Halloween Horror Panel Selects Humans As Scariest Beings

monstersThe much anticipated Halloween Horror Panel was held at the Cross Insurance Center in Bangor today.

A packed house gathered for what is referred to as the “Comic-Con of Halloween”.  Sponsored by the All Hallows Society, the Horror Panel is considered to be the crown jewel of Maine’s Halloween Season Festival.

Maine’s horror master, Stephen King, kicked off the event with a stunning rendition of “The Star Spangled Banner”, and then turned over the proceedings to Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King, who served as the Master of Ceremonies for the event.

This year’s Halloween Horror Panel was made up of an intriguing collection of humans and Otherworldly Beings.  Several classic horror flicks were screened and then dissected.  Surprise guests from all ends of the earth and the universe thrilled the crowd.

What everyone was really waiting for, however, was the Q&A session.  Things got really exciting when an attendee asked the celebrity panel to decide, once and for all, who or what was the scariest being of all time.

The Haunted House / Das Geisterhaus“What being would you least like to be trapped in a Haunted House with?” was the original question posed to the esteemed Masters of Horror.

Since the members of the Halloween Horror Panel rotated in and out over the course of the 12 hour event, more than 50 votes were finally cast when all was said and done.

“Good thing this didn’t have to be unanimous, of else we would’ve had a hung jury,” Skellington joked to the crowd as the deliberations grew quite heated on stage.

“Whatever they decide, that being is going to be the toast of this festival,” Gary Lincoln, my good friend and leader of Maine’s largest Werewolf pack told this Modern Philosopher backstage during the great debate.

When Jack Skellington finally strode to the microphone on his incredibly spindly legs, a hush fell over the Cross Insurance Center as the thousands gathered sat on the edge of their seats, anxiously awaiting the decision.

“Our esteemed Halloween Horror Panel has voted that the scariest being of all is…”

From somewhere, there was a haunting drum roll.  Jack milked it better than Ryan Seacrest hosting an “American Idol” results show.


NagasakibombA murmur rose up through the crowd, but it was one of total agreement.  Within moments, everyone was on their feet, giving the panel a standing ovation for a job well done.

“Zombies, ghosts, and clowns were also right up there,” Jack explained once the applause had died down, “but who could possibly be more frightening than the beings capable of wiping life off the planet with a few missiles?  Who commits more atrocities than humans?  I’m definitely going to have to sleep with the lights on tonight after being packed in here with so many humans today!”

And so it has been decided by the greatest horror minds in the universe today: No being in existence is more frightening than a human…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to Halloween Horror Panel Selects Humans As Scariest Beings

  1. List of X says:

    And let’s not forget that zombies, ghosts, and clowns are also varieties of humans.

  2. floridaborne says:

    That about covers it.

  3. ksbeth says:

    good point, we can be. but we can also be amazing beings too )

  4. JED says:

    That is a very scary thought when it’s brought to our attention by the other beings of our realm. I think I may have a bit of trouble sleeping myself tonight. There is another human right beside me!!!

  5. Louise says:

    Where did vampires rank? Inquiring minds and all that….

    • Austin says:

      Vampires are very mellow now that they no longer needs to hunt humans for blood. At last the ones in Maine. So they didn’t get any votes. Sorry…

  6. Humans as the scariest beings of all ti

  7. …of all time? Totally!

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