Man Infected By Bookworm Reads 212 Books In One Week

man with booksOld Town’s Marty Frost had never been much of a reader until his wife dragged him to a rundown bookstore near the Canadian border last week.  Ever since that trip, Marty has not been able to stop reading.

“He’s been pretty much devouring books since we visited that quaint shop,” his wife Evelyn told this Modern Philosopher with a dreamy look upon her face.  “He’s read every book in the house, and I’ve had to make multiple trips to the local libraries and book stores just to keep feeding his hunger.  It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen!”

While his wife might be a big fan of the astonishing transformation, Marty’s body has not.  He has lost ten pounds, has barely slept, and has been complaining of intense headaches.  Because of this, Marty’s mother insisted that they take him to the Emergency Department at Eastern Maine Medical Center.

“He’s read the entire time we’ve been here,” Evelyn bragged as she pulled a handful of books out of her bag to show me what her husband had ingested.  “I’d given up so long ago on the idea of being married to an educated man, and now my husband reads more books in a week than a college professor does in a year.  This is a blessing.”

BookwormTurns out, the ED doctor did not agree with that assessment of the situation.  “The patient has been infected by a Bookworm,” Dr. Timothy Logan explained to me as he held up the frightening x-rays that showed the long, thin parasite wrapped around Marty’s brain.  “If we don’t remove it immediately, it will lay legs, take over the brain, and he might never again have the desire to watch TV, drink too many beers, or say something embarrassing in public.  All normal manly behavior might vanish.”

Evelyn Frost did not see the problem with that.  “My husband was a rude, boring, uneducated man, who farted more often in a day than he ever looked at a book.  Since this worm crawled up into his brain, he’s been polite, engages me in intelligent conversation, calls me pet names that he finds in the romance novels he loves, and he hasn’t once treated me like I’m the live in help.  I say we leave that thing inside him because I like the husband it’s given me!”

book wheelHospital Administrators and Lawyers are miffed.  Marty will not sign the paperwork consenting to the surgery, and neither will his wife.  As a result, Marty’s mother has threatened to sue the hospital and her daughter-in-law.  While the male surgeons believe that the parasite needs to be removed immediately, the female surgeons counter that his life is in no immediate danger, and if anything, the Bookworm is making the patient’s quality of life better.

So where do we go from here?

“I’m going to take my husband home, sit him on the couch with his books, and then I’m going to take a long, relaxing bubble bath,” Evelyn gushed.  “After that, I’m going to give him a few cook books to read because the doctors think that will increase his appetite.  Then I’m going to run out and get some books on home repair in hopes that it will inspire my amazing husband to make some changes I’ve always wanted to our house.”

The hospital decided it had no choice but to discharge the patient.  Marty’s mother decided to stay behind and talk to a social worker about how it made her feel to know that her son was being taken away from her.

I decided to stop at a bookstore on the way home and grab a couple of books that have been on my wish list since Christmas.

What about you, Modern Philosophers?  Do you think there’s such a thing as too much reading?  If your significant other was infected by a Bookworm would you want it removed?


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

61 Responses to Man Infected By Bookworm Reads 212 Books In One Week

  1. Lin says:

    for a moment there I wondered if it had really happened 😛 ..great idea!

  2. LucyJartz says:

    Thank you for the inspirational post, now if you could just slip me the location of that “bookstore near the Canadian border” so I can take my husband there this summer…

  3. Leave it in him! I almost wish I had a bookworm- there are so many books out there to be ingested. A bookworm might help me to keep up.

  4. filbio says:

    Sigh….one day I’ll learn how to read. What’s a book anyway? Is it digital? Electronic?

  5. Wow! Compelled to read by a worm.
    The poor man! He needs help.His wife does not understand.
    In one week, that bookworm probablly forced him to read 212 books about worms.
    Undoubtedly, he will have to read even more worm books next week,
    Even children’s picture books are crawling with worms.
    (Admittedly, I rather like the little book called “There’s a Hair in My Dirt: a Worm’s Story”)
    This is almost more than my mind can comprehend.
    Makes me want to go take a shower. I think I will.

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  7. Mud says:

    Mannnnnnnnnnn…now I gotta read another one of your stories…damn worms!

  8. susielindau says:

    It sounds like my husband. He got the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy for Christmas and has read all of them. Now he is reading the 2nd book of Pillars of the Earth. I have only read blog posts… He never really was a big reader. I think he contracted the bug… Really!

  9. josefkul says:

    Who knew parasites could be so great!

  10. drishism says:

    Wow… that is more than I read as a graduate student in one week. If I could read 212 books in one week, I would probably read books about Time Travel.

    “Back to the Future” is one of my favorite documentaries.

  11. jaklumen says:

    My wife and I are doing just fine as we are without any silly notions of infection, or of stereotypes. We don’t drink beer, we don’t watch much TV (Internet, however, is another story), and we take turns with home repair. I’m the Cook, she’s the Baker, but sometimes we trade off as well.

    About the only stereotypical thing I honestly do is read periodicals voraciously, and then boring reference and non-fiction material after that much of the time. Cimmy is okay with that, no tears about why my love of writing and reading doesn’t include much more fiction. She knows better, as she’s helping me write an epic fantasy novel… no lie, but has yet to be finished after four years.

    We break the molds and don’t need no stinkin’ bookworms.

  12. paulheels says:

    “My husband was a rude, boring, uneducated man, who farted more often in a day than he ever looked at a book.” Just cause Some of us fart alot doesn’t make us all rude, boring and uneducated.

    You can never read too much. Unless you can’t read.

  13. Irrelevant says:

    Haha that is a cool story 🙂 I often am late for appointments because I want to finish my page, but then I want to know what happens, ah another page, etc.Other than that, I think reading is probably harmless 😛

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  15. Rachael says:

    I say start reading, keep reading …… who knows? You could find a bookworm in your brain too ……… but I think one might already be there ……… shh

  16. hollie says:

    I would love it if my significant others got infected by a bookworm!

  17. zillasnetwork says:

    Reblogged this on ZILLAS NETWORK.

  18. Wonder what Ferd Doughty, down at the “Ferd Doughty Produce Stand & Worm Farm” would think?

  19. trellabrazil says:

    love this post, reading is like food to me, brain food, when i am stuck or depressed the right reading can bring me to new heights and start my ilfe in a whole new direction. I say (almost) never too much reading.

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