I’m Counting On You To Give These Rejects A Chance!

Count DannyHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

A new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, which means I can now share some of the jokes I wrote that did not make it into Danny’s monologue.

While Danny is the star of the show, he certainly did share the spotlight last night with his superstar guest.

Count von Count from Sesame Street stopped by The Gracie Theatre to charm us, to make us laugh, and to remind us how much fun it is to count.

So now I will give you 1, 2, 3, 4 and even more of my Rejects for your reading pleasure…

Veterans Day was on Tuesday, and in honor of the holiday, GI Joes were given a day’s leave from toy stores all over the country, and allowed to spend it with the Barbie of their choice…

Count JoeIt’s a week and half since Election Day, which means Mainers might finally have to cave in and buy pellets for their wood stoves, as there’s no more campaign literature left to burn to warm the house…

Election Day was a week and a half ago, which means that you should have had plenty of time by now to perfect your excuse for why you didn’t vote…

Can you believe that Christmas music is already playing on the radio?  I thought the Geneva Convention protected us from torture like this…

Pope Francis recently said that Evolution and The Big Bang were real.  He went on to say that Two And A Half Men was definitely fake, though, and the work of The Devil…

Pope Francis was recently quoted as saying that The Big Bang was real.  All over the world, people snickered and replied, “That’s what she said”…

Count stageAn Arizona woman is asking for her wedding ring back after she accidentally passed it out along with the Halloween candy.  The trick or treater who has the ring is driving a hard bargain, though.  She’s demanding five king size Snickers bars and an entire bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups…

An Alabama man robbed four Subway restaurants in four days because he was upset that the “Jared Diet” hadn’t worked for him.  Maybe it’s a good thing the diet failed because you don’t necessarily want to be all fit and trim upon meeting your new prison buddies…

Burger King in Japan is offering all you can eat Whoppers.  Didn’t we already do enough damage to that country with the Atom Bomb?

The good news is that The Mustache Hall of Fame is now accepting nominees for enshrinement.  The even better news is that the museum’s plan to build a mustache ride has been denied in the name of good taste.

What did you think of the Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of them make you laugh?  Do you think The Count would’ve found any of the Rejects hilarious?

Count and DannyThe Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  If you’re interested in going to a taping, please let me know, or just sign up for a ticket on the show’s website.

If you don’t live in Maine, you can support The Nite Show by liking its Facebook page, by checking out hilarious clips on its You Tube page, or by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

Feel free to tweet to Danny which of the Rejects you wished had made it onto the air!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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15 Responses to I’m Counting On You To Give These Rejects A Chance!

  1. floridaborne says:

    I like the one about Whoopers and Japan, as well as the one about Christmas music torture. 🙂

  2. grannyK says:

    My favorites are 1, 2 and 6!

  3. NotAPunkRocker says:

    The Geneva Convention/Christmas music one should a fact and not a joke.

    The Mustache Hall of Fame one made me scare the cat with my sudden, stupid laughter.

  4. JED says:

    I’m finding I can’t wait for the weekly rejects post. Always good for a few laughs.

    I thought the GI Joes and the two big bang jokes were quite funny though the picture of the Barbie and joes it made in my head is quite disturbing.

  5. markbialczak says:

    I like the idea of GI Joe and Barbie slipping away for some R and R for Veterans Day, Austin. 🙂

    The Count, two weeks in a row?! What’s up with that?

  6. I agree with Pope Francis, Two And a Half Men is the work of the Devil. The fact that it’s still on the air is definite proof. The Alabama prison buddy, Jared Diet joke was funny. The Mustache Hall of Fame joke was naughty, but funny.

  7. ksbeth says:

    shore leave for g.i. joe –

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