The request seeks that Christmas commercials, advertisements and the like be banned in all media forms throughout the United States.
Why the lawsuit? Why Maine? “Thanksgiving is beginning to feel completely ignored by the American public,” Cy Brown, Maine’s greatest lawyer, explained to this Modern Philosopher. “The second Halloween ends, and as we know, Halloween Season is huge in Maine, focus is turned immediately to Christmas. Thanksgiving has become America’s redheaded stepchild, and it wants some attention.”
And that is why, Modern Philosophers, Cy Brown is the greatest lawyer in Maine!
I did some quick research, and it turns out that an average of 10,000 Christmas related advertisements have aired in Maine every day since November 1. That’s overwhelming for the weeks leading up to Christmas, but these numbers are for the month before Santa gives any thought to coming to town.
“It’s just too much,” Cy said with a sigh, “and I’m not just saying that because I’m Jewish. If there were that many Hanukkah ads bombarding us on a daily basis, I’d feel just as strongly about it. Thanksgiving is losing its season, and we have to fight to make sure that doesn’t happen. Christmas needs to back off and give Thanksgiving its space.”
“Austin, when did Thanksgiving turn all green and hairy, with a heart about a hundred sizes too small? Doesn’t this lawsuit sound a little Grinchy to you?”
“We’re all up here, working our fingers to the bone,” Fred yelled through the phone as if he thought his voice had to carry from The North Pole to Maine. “Sure with the Elves, we’re talking really tiny fingers, but they’re those fat, stubby, sausage kinda ones, so it takes a lot to get through all that pudge to the bone. The last thing we want to hear is that Christmas needs to dial it back and take it down a few notches. Christmas is an intense Holiday, and we’ve got to approach it like we’ve got a three cases of Red Bull per day habit, if you catch my drift, my friend. How’s it hanging anyway? That toga keeping the boys warm?”
Ah, Fred. Always the right balance of enthusiastic and inappropriate. How I miss talking to him over the course of the year.
He does have a point, though, Modern Philosophers. Could Christmas even pull back if it wanted? Haven’t we turned it into this behemoth that needs an almost two month run up to the big day? Should the courts even stick their noses into this one, or should the Holidays just find a way to work it out amongst themselves?
What do you guys think?