Be Thankful For The Rejects

Dan BandIt’s Sunday, Modern Philosophers, which means that a new The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night.

Now that the show has been on TV, I can share some of the jokes I wrote that did not make it into Danny’s monologue.

Since Thanksgiving is this week, expect a ton of Thanksgiving jokes in this batch.  Sadly, the ones I wrote about Governor LePage’s defeat on Election Day could not be used given that he ended up winning.

Ironically, the Governor is scheduled to be a guest at the next taping, so maybe I can share some of those jokes with him backstage before the show.

Last night’s show featured a visit from Larry King and The Elephant Man (or at least a fictional version of those folks), which you will be able to see from the wonderful photos taken by Jennifer Murphy.  Thanks, Jen, for letting me use your photos!

Enough chatter.  Here are the Rejects…

larry kingsThanksgiving is on Thursday, and all across Maine, Thanksgiving dinners will begin with Mainers declaring how thankful they are that Paul LePage was just a one term Governor…

Thursday is Thanksgiving, the day we celebrate the official start of the “Time to buy larger pants” season…

This Thursday is Thanksgiving, which as you know, is the day that Americans celebrate the invention of competitive eating…

Thursday is Thanksgiving, the holiday when Americans first consider adding the lies of “Eat Healthier” and “Exercise More” to their list of New Year’s Resolutions…

Thanksgiving is the day that Americans prove that actions really do speak louder than words by eating their feelings and then washing them down with a ton of gravy…

This Thanksgiving, no one will be more thankful than the desk chair in the office of outgoing Governor Paul LePage.  I don’t think that poor thing could have possibly survived four more years…

Elephant ManThe Maine State Ballet’s performance of “The Nutcracker” begins next week.  Contrary to popular belief, the ballet is not about your mother-in-law…

Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band performed at The Cross Insurance Center tonight.  While loved by many, the Silver Bullet Band once again topped American Werewolves’ list of most hated bands…

Every year, the President pardons a turkey on Thanksgiving.  This year, President Obama decided to pardon Vice President Joe Biden for six years of idiotic behavior…

Tuba Christmas will be held at Freeport High School on December 6.  Free hearing exams will be administered at Freeport High School on December 7…

nite logoOn this day in history in 1984, Fred Rogers of “Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood” fame presented a sweater to The Smithsonian Institute.  On the very same day in 1985, The Smithsonian returned the sweater when they discovered it was made from Rogers’ back hair…

What did you think of the Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of them make you laugh?

The Nite Show airs on Saturday night in Maine.  You can also support the show by liking its page on Facebook, checking out videos on its You Tube page, or following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Be Thankful For The Rejects

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Ouch to the Nutcracker joke, and I don’t think I have heard of a Tuba Christmas assembly or been within several miles of one either.

  2. floridaborne says:

    The one about pardoning Biden made me chuckle. 🙂

    Mr. Rogers was my son’s favorite show. I couldn’t watch it because it put me to sleep.

  3. The “Nutcracker,” Mr. Roger’s sweater, and Freeport HS “Tuba Christmas were my favorites.

  4. stephrogers says:

    I love that you’re on TV. I wonder if I’m related to that Rogers dude?…

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