I Advise You That The Force Is Strong In You

BlutoDear Modern Philosopher,

I know you are a huge Star Wars fan, and I sense that the Deep Thoughts are strong in you, so I am coming to you for advice.

As you are well aware, the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens was unveiled on Friday.  It’s been watched and analyzed so many times that it almost broke the internet.

Good or bad, Star Wars fan or not, everyone seems to have an opinion about those 88 seconds that J.J. Abrams put out there for all the galaxy to see.

What they didn’t see, however, was even a glimpse of the three characters who made this franchise what it is today.  Where in the name of Jar Jar Binks were Luke, Leia, and Han?

Is it too much to ask to see the fan favorites, who really had to get themselves back into shape to be presentable up on the big screen?  Do you have any idea how much work and sacrifice that took?  Do you know how gross it’s been to walk around with a grubby beard for months?  You know that Han broke his leg while filming, right?

So where’s the love for the original Big 3?  Is this J.J.’s way of saying that we’re…I mean… that THEY are no longer relevant to the stories?  How am I, an anonymous Star Wars fan from back in the day, supposed to feel about all this?

Can you give me a new hope before something awakens in me that makes me want to turn to the Dark Side?

Thanks for your help!

Just An Angry Fan Of The Originals

PS — Has anyone ever told you that Luke’s outfit from A New Hope looks a lot like a toga?

big 3Dear Just A Fan,

I am honored that you came to me for advice, and will treasure your handwritten letter as one of my greatest pieces of Star Wars memorabilia.

Not that you are anyone other than an anonymous fan, of course…

As for your concerns about the absence of Luke, Leia, and Han from the new Star Wars trailer, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

In my humble, non-Jedi opinion, I advise you that the Force is strong in you.  The Force will be with you always.  Much wiser beings advised you of this a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, so I am touched that you need to hear it again from me for reassurance.

J.J. Adams and his Disney overlords are simply tantalizing the fan base.  They are well aware that we want to see you… I mean those three characters… more than anything.  So they are teasing us.  Giving us a taste of who the new characters are, and only making us hungrier for a glimpse of the real stars of the flick.

If I were you, I’d be honored.  Basically, J.J. is pulling the old Jedi Mind Trick on the entire galaxy.  He’s made us believe, just for the moment, that those are the characters we are looking for.  Simply so he can hold off on the big reveal a little longer, and build anticipation to a point that it would cause a Death Star to explode.

Thank you for coming to me with your problem.  I am incredibly honored to be in the service of a great Jedi such as yourself.

For the record, I am well aware of the similarities between my wardrobe and Luke’s.  There is a reason for everything this Modern Philosopher does…



About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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31 Responses to I Advise You That The Force Is Strong In You

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    The Force will be with you, always.

    Or do I have that confused with The Schwartz?

  2. monikcanama says:

    Reblogged this on monikcanama and commented:

  3. I have no idea as I’m not a fan. One thing worries me and that’s hype. Too much and by the time I see a movie, there’s nothing left but the shell of the story. Ugh. 😦

  4. henriettamross14 says:

    Never been a fan, I may dip my toe, I just might.

  5. Ex- squeeeeeze me Master Luke went to the Dark side. 😉

  6. Like I said, I will NOT watch this film if Jar Jar isn’t in every scene doing a serious monologue.

  7. floridaborne says:

    I had to wait to see the original as I was knee deep in motherhood and caring for a newborn at the time it first hit the theaters. It was the first decent movie in a decade, and with state-of-the-art special effects. Most of the other movies were the artsie “guess what this means” and/or really, really bad.

    There are a bunch of websites with opinions about the trailer, but c’mon guys! The movie won’t be out until Christmas 2015! They have to throw us something to let us know that production is still alive.

  8. turgius says:

    I can’t help but wonder who sent in this letter…

  9. Louise says:

    OMG is JJ Abrahams in charge…. Yikes!!! does not any one remember how great “lost” was in season 1 then totally lost its way after that. Ohh no i have resisted the Force to watch that trailer but now I am scared.. What if the others are right What if the hype becomes better than the movie????? Quick Doc Brown and Austin – put your toga on – and save us from the dark side of commercialism.

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