What he was not, however, was a con man working a phone scam on unsuspecting, kindhearted souls eager to help an old friend at Christmas.
Because the world can be a horrible place, I need to warn you about the Fake Frosty Phone Scam.
“Someone is impersonating Frosty, calling people, and spinning a tale of Holiday woe,” North Pole Police Chief Art “Jingles” Belfour told this Modern Philosopher. “The caller explains that he got stranded in Canada after being mugged on his way from The North Pole to the United States to spread some Holiday Cheer. He then asks for money to be wired to him so that he can buy a plane ticket and finish his trip.”
Two dozen people have admitted to falling victim to the Fake Frosty, and authorities worry that there are dozens more out there, who are simply too embarrassed to come forward.
Santa Claus insisted that The North Pole Police Department work with the FBI on the case.
“Santa Claus is not at all happy about his good friend Frosty and The North Pole being dragged into this horrible scheme,” Chief Jingles went on to explain. “Santa wants all the good little girls and boys to know that he is doing everything in his power to catch the Naughty Lister behind this.”
“Happy Birthday!” Frosty exclaimed in his traditional greeting. “Please spread the word that this is all a scam. I know people are incredibly generous this time of year, but they should not give any money to a caller claiming to be me.”
With a personal net worth estimated to be north of $100M, Frosty the Snowman should never have to ask for a handout.
The FBI was unwilling to comment on an ongoing investigation. However, my sources within the Bureau tell me that their profilers believe the Unsub to be a white male in his late twenties to early thirties, who was deeply disappointed when he did not get what he wanted for Christmas one year. They think that he was watching “Frosty the Snowman” on TV while opening presents that fateful Christmas, and that is why he uses Frosty as the center of his con.
Santa Claus is offering a reward of one ride in his sleigh and a tour of The North Pole to anyone who can provide information leading to the arrest of the Fake Frosty.
“There are bad people out there looking to take advantage of the kindness of strangers at Christmas,” Captain Jingles said sadly. “Try not to let that ruin your Holiday.”
Let’s do our best to remain as jolly and happy as Frosty, Modern Philosophers, despite our knowledge that there are monsters out there capable of doing very shameful things…