The Klutz: A Perfect Gift For Eight Crazy Nights

“You know, klutz is one of my peoples’ words,” Hanukkah Harry had to shout from the front porch of The House on the Hill to be heard over Seamus’ hysterical laughter.  “That just makes this so perfect.”

Even Harry was chuckling now.  I, however, was not amused, since I was face down in the snow on my front lawn.  While clearing the front roof with the roof rake, I lost my balance and tumbled down the hill.

fallThe above is a photo of the path my body took down the hill.  That’s the exact view that Hanukkah Harry and Seamus had.

Did either of them come down to help me to my feet?

“We’re guests, Austin, and I don’t want to get my new loafers wet with Maine snow!” Harry yelled from the safety of the porch since Seamus was still laughing so loudly.  “I told you we should just stay inside and nosh on all the food I brought you from New York.”

fall 2“I think I’m gonna piss me pants,” Seamus finally managed to stop laughing long enough to cobble together a sentence.  “Can ya do it again, so I can get it on me camera?”

I made a snowball and hurled it at the Leprechaun’s head.  He ducked out of the way just in time to avoid the mild concussion I had in mind for him.

“Enough with the shoveling already,” Harry insisted as he held up a bucket of steaming Pluck U Buffalo Wings.  “This Maine weather is going to be the death of you, and you need to feed that cold before you even catch it!”

Harry was right.  What the hell was I doing rolling around in the snow in the pouring rain?  I should pray that the rain melted the snow before it froze into a solid form that no shovel or roof rake could ever conquer.

“Save me some wings,” I demanded as I brushed the snow off of my clothes and collected the roof rake.  It was time to stop being a rude host and eat with my guests.

garage view 2I snapped this photo of Zombie Car’s view of the driveway and street when I was putting away the roof rake.  This is what it sees every time I urge it to make the perilous descent down the hill in the snow…in reverse.

If I can’t stand on the snowy hill without nearly putting myself in the hospital, why do I expect my poor car to navigate that snowy hill while going backwards?

“You think too much,” Hanukkah Harry advised me as he passed the blue cheese for my chicken wings.  “While it’s never a bad thing to use your brain, there are times when you just need to turn it off.  When you start worrying about your car’s feelings, that’s one of those times!”

side viewHarry had surprised me with a visit this morning because he had read my Friday Night Think Tank post, and had been touched by my comment that I’d ask him to be my guest as the Christmas Party.

“I knew it was time to visit my favorite Catholic boy, and try to guilt him into writing a Hanukkah post,” Harry announced as he marched into The House on the Hill carrying bags filled with my favorite New York foods.

Seamus, who was nursing a hangover on the couch, welcomed Hanukkah Harry with open arms and even helped him with his bags.  It was nice to know the little bugger was capable of being helpful when his stomach needed filling.

“Your little spill out on the lawn is the perfect Hanukkah gift, Austin, since the memory of it is going to keep me entertained for at least eight days and nights,” Harry said with a chuckle as he smeared cream cheese on his everything bagel.

“I betcha the pain and embarrassment is gonna last the lad at least that long,” Seamus chimed in as he reached for the container of Sesame Chicken from my favorite Chinese place in Brooklyn.

We all laughed.  As we sat around my dining table eating, drinking, and being merry, I realized how lucky I am to have such wonderful friends this Holiday Season.

“I’m even going to sign off on this being your annual Hanukkah post,” Harry declared.

Yes, I really was lucky.  Happy Holidays!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to The Klutz: A Perfect Gift For Eight Crazy Nights

  1. JackieP says:

    MMM,,, sesame chicken…… You need to be careful on that hill Austin.

  2. D. Parker says:

    Hope you’re alright. 🙂

  3. sourgirlohio says:

    Thank you for coming through with the Hanukkah post:) I don’t feel all left out now.

  4. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Why am I always wanting Chinese food when I read your posts?

    Yay for Hanukkah Harry, sorry for the snowy pratfall.

  5. grannyK says:

    I’m glad you are okay!

  6. markbialczak says:

    Life itself is a slippery slope, Austin. Your winter life at the House on the Hill? To honor Hanukkah Harry, allow me to say, Oy. Careful, sir.

  7. Louise says:

    again very funny. love the thought of the bagels and the sesame chicken.. I laughed as hard as seamus. ..hope your ego recovers. if not matzah ball soup 🙂

  8. Louise says:

    damn computer it was supposed to say eat some…soup.

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