Who’s Your Zombie Secret Santa?

ZombiesMy blogger friend JED from JED’s Playhouse wrote a great post yesterday asking what one would buy a Zombie for Christmas.  You can check out it here… JED’s Zombie Post.

We went back and forth in the comments section of his post, and he said that he couldn’t believe that in all my years of living in Maine, I hadn’t once even thought about buying a Christmas present for a Zombie.

I argued that Zombies, after Snow Miser, are the Big Bad up in these parts, and I don’t usually buy Christmas presents for beings that are trying to eat my brains.

JED countered that it didn’t really sound like the answer of someone who was trying to become consumed with the Holiday Spirit.  I gave a lot of Deep Thought to our chat, especially that last comment about not acting like something who is wrapped in the sweet embrace of the Holiday Spirit.

Zombie humterAfter all that pondering, I decided to do something about it.  I called a meeting at The House on the Hill and announced that we were going to do a Zombie Secret Santa this year.  Of course, this is being done with the assistance of my friends in the Maine Zombie Census Bureau and the Maine Zombie Hunters.

Just because I’m in a giving mood, doesn’t mean I want to give up my brains.

The plan was simple.  The Zombie Census Agents track every Zombie herd in Maine.  We picked a herd not far from The House on the Hill, gave the Zombies names, and then drew names out of my Santa Claus hat.

We set a maximum price of $20 for the gifts, and the plan is to go out into the field with our well armed escorts on Christmas Eve to deliver the presents to our Zombies.

I set up a Skype session with Santa Claus to ask him what he would bring to Zombies if they were on his Christmas list.

Santa“That’s an intriguing question,” Santa replied as he ran his fingers through his beard as he formed Deep Thoughts on the subject.  “I’m going to get back to you on that.  You’ve got me stumped.”

I really wanted everyone at the meeting to participate in the Zombie Secret Santa, but my interns declined.  They cited a safety clause in the internship agreement that states they don’t have to do anything that might put their lives in jeopardy.  While I don’t see how buying a Christmas present for a Zombie is going to put them in peril (there is going to be an armed escort and they would be in an armored vehicle), I didn’t want to press the matter because I like getting free help for the blog.

In the end, the participants in the First Annual Modern Philosopher Zombie Secret Santa ended up being: Seamus, The Devil, Gary Lincoln aka The Leader of Maine’s Largest Werewolf Pack, Waltzing Matilda, Ti-Diana, Volcanica Ivy, Mayor McCheese, Zeus, Ana the Vampire, and me.

Gary the Gargoyle refused to participate on the grounds that he has sworn to protect me from Zombies, and thinks what I’m doing is foolish.  The Ghost Family in my attic also declined to take part in the fun because they were turned into Zombies after their death, and they really hold a grudge about that.

There are plenty of Secret Santas involved to make this a ton of fun.  I’m excited just thinking about it.  Now all I have to do is figure out what to buy a Zombie for Christmas.  I’m leaning towards some new clothes, maybe even a toga.

ElvesAny Zombie Secret Santa gift suggestions, Modern Philosophers?  Anyone want to join in on the fun?

Thanks, JED, for inspiring me to do this!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Who’s Your Zombie Secret Santa?

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    I was going to say, zombies usually have lousy shoes, but for 20 bucks they may be better off with those instead of cheap, new ones.

  2. JED says:

    Hey, we need to stick together when it comes to zombies and the like. Great idea the Secret Santa exchange and just think, if the zombies ever decide it is apocalypse time (or the Robot Zombies, but that’s a whole different story) maybe you and the other Santa’s will be spared, or at least eaten last. In the meantime I’m sure they will keep to themselves and not bother the House on the Hill. You know they will behave until next Christmas so they can continue the tradition.

    You are most welcome for the inspiration and I appreciate the plug for my post. Keep safe and Happy Holidays:)

  3. JackieP says:

    Hm, zombies. I think I’ll skip this year. So if you survive, let me know and I’ll think about it next year. You always could carry a few cow brains with you, to, you know, throw their way if they get a bit out of hand.

    • Austin says:

      Oh, I’m going to survive. I’m going out there with plenty of protection. Plus, I’m doing Santa’s work, so nothing bad could possibly happen to me. 🙂

  4. List of X says:

    Anything with a hidden tracking device would be a great idea.

  5. damschrj says:

    Zombies in Maine are akin to the white walkers. Winter is coming.

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