Don’t Be A Scrooge And Reject This Holiday Cheer!

Danny DeskHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

A new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, which means I can share some of the monologue jokes I wrote that did not make it onto TV.

It was a festive night, with the set decorated for the Holidays, and Santa Claus in the house as Danny’s guest.

Correction.  The chubby guy on the show was actually Maine Governor Paul LePage.

I left these jokes under The Nite Show Christmas Tree, but they were left unopened.  Hopefully, you’ll want to unwrap and enjoy these Rejects, the Misfit Toys of the late night TV joke world…

Governor Paul LePage is here tonight.  Fun Fact: While the Governor enjoys appearing as a guest on our show, he is NOT a fan of dressing up as Santa Claus to get some cheap laughs in a Christmas themed sketch…

Governor LePage is our guest tonight.  I intend to ask him what’s on his Christmas list, but how could he possibly expect anything else after the enormous surprise gift he received on Election Day?

governorGovernor Paul LePage is our guest tonight, so we know for certain that for at least the next half hour, he cannot cut your MaineCare benefits…

Governor LePage is our guest tonight.  Don’t worry, I had the crew reinforce the stage to ensure that it will be able to support both his weight and my ego…

Governor LePage is our guest tonight on the campus of Husson University.  Don’t worry, Husson, you’re not a state school, so the Governor isn’t here to cut your budget or shut you down…

Charles Manson is getting married to a 26 year old.  I hear the only reason she said “yes” was so that she could meet his brother Marilyn…

To celebrate the 60th Anniversary of “White Christmas”, the film will be reopening in select cities across the country.  Something tells me that two of those cities will not be Branson, MO or Staten Island, NY…

Christmas SetThere have been a lot of complaints about the cancellation of Bangor’s Festival of Lights Parade last weekend due to inclement weather.  Mayor Sprague wanted to go ahead with the parade, but he was ultimately overruled by Burgermeister Meisterburger…

Hanukkah begins on Tuesday.  Much like the Holiday that celebrates one drop of oil lasting for eight days, The Nite Show has managed to make one month’s worth of jokes last for four years…

The trailer for the new Star Wars movie debuted the day after Thanksgiving, and some fans are upset that it did not include any of the characters from the original trilogy.  Director JJ Abrams explained that Luke, Leia, and Han Solo were all in the trailer, but he had them digitally removed at the last second so that it didn’t look like a commercial for a cheesy 80’s sci-fi flick…

It looks like the Ghost of Christmas Past has finally caught up with Bill Cosby…

nite show logoSo what did you think of the Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Do you think Danny did the right thing by not telling any of the Governor LePage jokes that would’ve earned me a spot on Santa’s Naughty List?

Remember, you can support The Nite Show by liking its Facebook page, checking out the YouTube page, or following in on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to Don’t Be A Scrooge And Reject This Holiday Cheer!

  1. List of X says:

    Maybe Governor LePage didn’t cut any Medicare or school budgets while at the show, but he certainly cut a lot of your jokes. 🙂

    • Austin says:

      Exactly! I knew that was why Danny couldn’t look me in the eye!

      Danny does anti-Governor jokes, but I guess he didn’t want to do them with the man waiting in the wings…

  2. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Burgermeister Meisterburgers are nothing to worry about, they all die eventually (hey, it’s what they say in the show!).

    I work at a state school, so I do appreciate that joke.

  3. markbialczak says:

    You know it was a staffer for forced the Guv’ner to appear on Danny’s show to raise is appeal … then phoned Danny and asked him to play nice if he wants political comfort in the future … and your jokes got caught in the middle. My take on it, Austin. You were as funny as usual. I like the one about the huge surprise gift on Election Day. Way to have guts, dude!

  4. The Gov. LePage, reinforced stage joke, was naughty, but funny. I can see why Danny didn’t use that one. It’s like the groundhog saw his shadow–four more years of winter. I liked the Marilyn Manson joke. Maybe it’s because I like warped, dark, and twisted jokes? “One month’s jokes lasting four years,” was the best reject.

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