We’ll Conjure A Merry Christmas…

CarolsI love it when the Coven comes to sing Christmas Carols at The House on the Hill, Modern Philosophers.

The Witches of Maine have beautiful voices, and a tendency to rewrite favorite songs.

“We’ll conjure a Merry Christmas, We’ll conjure a Merry Christmas, We’ll conjure a Merry Christmas, Since it’s been a bad year…”

My Witch friends insisted that I accompany them back to Two Toads & A Wicked Lady, Maine’s most famous Witch Bar, to further celebrate the Holidays.

Ti-DianaTi-Diana, the most beautiful Witch I’ve ever met, linked her arm in mine, and ushered me on the short walk.  Thankfully, there was no more caroling.

“We’ve been very busy working for your friend up at The North Pole.  I think you’re going to like this,” she told me with a wink as she gripped my arm tighter and rested her pretty head on my shoulder.

We wandered across the bridge on a snowy night, and made it to the bar in record time.  It’s incredible how all the lights work in your favor, and how traffic pauses for you when you’re walking with the most powerful Witches in Maine.

I hadn’t been to Two Toads & A Wicked Lady in a couple of weeks because the weather’s been horrible.  As much as I adore my Witch pals, I’m not a big fan of traveling in the frigid, snowy night.  I guess that’s why the whole Coven came to collect me and bring me back under escort.

North PoleWhen I walked through the door, I was instantly filled with the Christmas Spirit.  The popular watering hole had been Magically transformed into the spitting image of The North Pole!

“This is incredible!” I gushed as I walked down Main Street and snow fell from the sky, even though I was inside a bar that was maybe the length of one street up in Santa Claus’ hometown.

“Magic can really do amazing things,” Waltzing Matilda reminded me as she handed me a pint of Christmas Brew from a cauldron set up next to the North Pole sign.

What I really liked about being at this Magic version of the North Pole, was that the heat was still on in the bar.  So, I was walking down snowy streets while it snowed, but it was a comfortable 73 degrees.  Now this is a Winter Wonderland I could handle.

corner boothTi-Diana escorted me to my usual corner booth, which still existed in this North Pole scenario.  Volcanica Ivy was waiting for me with a plate of Buffalo Witchin’ Wings.

“You’re on the Coven’s Nice List, so your treats are on the house,” Ivy assure me as I slid into the booth.

That put an even bigger smile on my face.  After a rough day at work, which included a very scary near accident on the highway on my way home, I was suddenly filled with the Christmas Spirit and humming Christmas Carols.

“Do you want to know why you’re in such a wonderful mood?” Ti-Diana asked playfully as she snatched a wing off my plate.

“I thought it was because I’m surrounded by three beautiful Witches, who are plying me with free beer and chicken wings,” I said between bites.

The three of them cackled in a way which told me they were up to Witch business.

witches“This is all part of a special project we’ve been working on for Santa Claus,” Waltzing Matilda revealed with a smile.  “He noticed that after such a rough year, people weren’t getting into the Christmas Spirit.  So he asked us to conjure up a little something to put people in the proper mood.”

They cackled in unison at her joke.

“It’s called the HOHOHOpikus Spell, and it seems to be working wonders on our test subjects in the bar,” Volcanica Ivy informed me as she pointed out my fellow patrons.

I looked around the bar to discover that everyone was in the best of moods.  A group was caroling on the corner across from The Gingerbread Bakery, while an even larger group was decorating the ten foot tall Christmas Tree in the center of The North Pole’s town square.  There was a snowball fight going on in front of the Elves’ Uniform Supply Shop, and a few people were building a Snowman outside of Santa’s Workshop.

“How do you know it’s your spell and not the booze putting everyone in such a great mood?” I quipped.

“The magic is in the booze, wise ass,” Ti-Diana retorted.  “Why do you think your Christmas Brew tastes so good.”

They all cackled again.  Seeing that my wings were gone, Ivy snapped her fingers, and the plate of bones was replaced with a new plate piled high with piping hot Witchin’ Wings.

Santa“I love what you’ve done to the place, Santa Claus is a genius for asking you to conjure a Merry Christmas for all, and you are the most amazing Witches ever!” I declared as I raised my glass in a toast to the three wise Witches.

“Christmas is a Magical time of year, so it seemed only fitting that we should get involved,” Matilda informed me.

“We’d do anything Santa Claus asked, but we were especially happy to be a part of this wonderful project.”

The HOHOHOpikus Spell is going viral tomorrow, Modern Philosophers.  So when you suddenly find yourself filled with the Christmas Spirit, even after a horrible day, you’ll know who to thank.

Happy Holidays!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to We’ll Conjure A Merry Christmas…

  1. I believe, I believe. And mote shall it be. Delightful.

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