I’m not talking “going to blow over soon” kinda mad, but “infuriated, throwing your stuff out on the lawn and threatening to set it ablaze” mad.
He Skyped me out of the blue, and his face was as red as his suit. Santa just started spewing angry words at me, and they were all about you. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise, so I just sat there and listened.
When the big guy finally took a break to catch his breath, he swiped everything off of his desk with his arm and then kicked a hole in his office wall.
What the hell did you do?
I tried to ask Santa what you’d done to get him so infuriated this close to Christmas, but all he did was chuckle and shake his head.
“I’m not even going to say it, Austin,” he finally snapped. “I’m too disgusted to let it pass through my lips.”
You are so screwed…
I did everything I could to calm down Santa Claus. I told him how great you are, and that this was just a one time thing.
That’s when he cut me off. “Oh, this isn’t the first time, Austin,” he informed me as his angry face filled my laptop’s screen. “I looked the other way the first time, but a second time? Not again my friend. Not this close to Christmas.”
If he had totally written you off, why bother telling me about it?
“Because I wanted your friend to know five days in advance that Christmas won’t be coming,” Santa replied with venom in his voice. “Plus, I needed to vent and you’re a good listener. If I didn’t get this off my chest, I’d probably have a heart attack, which would mean no Christmas for anyone, and that would not be fair.”
I’m sorry that you’re not getting anything from Santa Claus this year, but from the sounds of it, this really is all your fault.
There’s still a few days left of Hanukkah. Maybe you can convert?