An Open Letter To The Grinch

GrinchDear Mr. Grinch,

You’re a mean one.

As is tradition, I awakened on Christmas Morning filled with the Christmas Spirit, and rushed downstairs to see what Santa Claus had left for me.

For the second year in a row, however, I discovered absolutely no sign of Christmas, let alone Santa Claus, at The House on the Hill.

I get that you would steal my Christmas once.  I make a big deal on my blog about how much Christmas means to me, and I’m all about spreading Holiday Joy and Christmas Spirit.  So I could see where The House on the Hill would be the perfect target for a master criminal such as yourself.

But two years in a row?  That’s just cruel and heartless.  Dude, I thought you were all about reform and turning over a new leaf.  I interviewed you for the blog, and let you use it to tell the world about your charity work and new love of Christmas.

Grinch 2Now I realize that was all a ruse.  You just wanted to be invited to The House on the Hill so you could case the place, and plan your heist.

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, and you’re a big, green Christmas killing jerk!

I still don’t know how you got past Gary the Gargoyle, but I’m starting to think Gary’s vomiting isn’t from some flu bug.  You poisoned him, didn’t you?  What did you do to my Gargoyle, you big meanie???

I guess this Modern Philosopher opened his blog, his trust, and his home to the wrong “reformed” burglar.

It looks like my Christmas Gift this year is one of wisdom.  I know now not to be as trusting of furry, green creatures with shady pasts.

I decided not to call the police because I know you left behind absolutely zero evidence of your crime.  What I have done, however, is inform The All Hallows Society.

Now every Otherworldly Being on the planet is going to be on the hunt for you.  Where are you going to hide, Mr. Grinch, when your own kind is looking for you?

christmas-presentsEnjoy my Christmas presents.  I hope the fence gives you a good price for them because that might be the last income you see for a very long time.

Merry Christmas on the run!      — Austin

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to An Open Letter To The Grinch

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    Better make sure he didn’t take off with the last can of Hoo Hash or the Roast Beast.

  2. markbialczak says:

    Get that Grinchy spindly spineless greenie, sentinels. Hey, Austin, I think your wisdom will do you well. Great gift! FYI, the Grinch was an answer on “Jeapordy!” last night. I hate that he got more publcity. Dagnabbit, Alex …

  3. JED says:

    You shouldn’t be that surprised. If he got away with it last year why wouldn’t he try again this year. Plus he knows what great gifts you got so he knew he would get a pretty penny for them. You can really only blame yourself. Still he is a mean one, ain’t he.

  4. lululove88 says:

    🎁🎄🎄🎁🎅MERRY CHRISTMAS🎁🎄🎄🎁🎅

  5. Louise says:

    damn that grinch after all that compassion you showed. Yes i do believe wisdom is what we , those who got nada for christmas, got. Ohh poor gary hope he is ok.

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