An Open Letter To The Grinch

Dear Mr. Grinch,

You’re a mean one.

As is tradition, I awakened on Christmas Morning filled with the Christmas Spirit, and rushed downstairs to see what Santa Claus had left for me.

For the second year in a row, however, I discovered absolutely no sign of Christmas, let alone Santa Claus, at The House on the Hill.

I get that you would steal my Christmas once.  I make a big deal on my blog about how much Christmas means to me, and I’m all about spreading Holiday Joy and Christmas Spirit.  So I could see where The House on the Hill would be the perfect target for a master criminal such as yourself.

But two years in a row?  That’s just cruel and heartless.  Dude, I thought you were all about reform and turning over a new leaf.  I interviewed you for the blog, and let you use it to tell the world about your charity work and new love of Christmas.

Now I realize that was all a ruse.  You just wanted to be invited to The House on the Hill so you could case the place, and plan your heist.

Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, and you’re a big, green Christmas killing jerk!

I still don’t know how you got past Gary the Gargoyle, but I’m starting to think Gary’s vomiting isn’t from some flu bug.  You poisoned him, didn’t you?  What did you do to my Gargoyle, you big meanie???

I guess this Modern Philosopher opened his blog, his trust, and his home to the wrong “reformed” burglar.

It looks like my Christmas Gift this year is one of wisdom.  I know now not to be as trusting of furry, green creatures with shady pasts.

I decided not to call the police because I know you left behind absolutely zero evidence of your crime.  What I have done, however, is inform The All Hallows Society.

Now every Otherworldly Being on the planet is going to be on the hunt for you.  Where are you going to hide, Mr. Grinch, when your own kind is looking for you?

Enjoy my Christmas presents.  I hope the fence gives you a good price for them because that might be the last income you see for a very long time.

Merry Christmas on the run!      — Austin