Father Time Resolves To Fight Forced Retirement

father-time“Baby New Year can cry all he wants, but he’s not getting my job!” declared an irate Father Time as he stood on the steps outside the courthouse in downtown Bangor.  “I will retire under my own terms, and I assure you that New Year’s Eve will not be my last day on the job!”

The gathered crowd roared in support of the old man with the long beard as he raised his withered arms above his head in triumph.

I was on hand for the big announcement, Modern Philosophers, and had goosebumps from all the excitement.

Maybe New Year’s Eve in Maine won’t be so boring after all!

As you well know, it is customary for Baby New Year to take over the job at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day.  However, there isn’t anything in writing that says this transition has to take place, and that’s why Father Time feels he has the legal standing to keep his job.

“My client is well aware of how he got his current position,” Father Time’s attorney, Rachel Tempus-Fugit, told this Modern Philosopher.  “He happens to enjoy his job, and he isn’t going to be forced out of it just because someone younger and cuter comes along and wants it.  Additionally, my client suffers from a rare neurological disorder that causes him to age at an exceptionally rapid rate.  The man isn’t even a year old yet, but he looks like he’s about to turn 100.  You can’t put him out of a job and take away his medical benefits at a time when he needs them the most.”

It sounds like Father Time isn’t interested in signing up for Obamacare, Modern Philosophers.

Despite his withered appearance, Father Time was a man full of piss and vinegar.  “They keep trying to tell me that retirement is going to be wonderful.  I wasn’t born yesterday!  Screw them!”

baby new yearBaby New Year was not available for comment as he doesn’t even exist yet.  It must be weird to come into the world and immediately be given a job with a ton of responsibility.

“Who’s to say the baby even wants the job?” Tempus-Fugit proposed.  “There are child labor laws to prohibit such heinous work practices, and we are adding this forced indoctrination of a newborn to our lawsuit.”

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Does Father Time have a case?  Should he be forced to give up his job even if he’s not ready to retire?  Who would put a newborn baby to work? 

As always, I look forward to reading your feedback…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

30 Responses to Father Time Resolves To Fight Forced Retirement

  1. momshieb says:

    I can understand Father Time’s concern: after all, we aren’t sure how the ol’ Fiscal Cliff trip is going to work out. The age for Medicare and Soc Security eligibility may be raised to somewhere around 98 or so. He better keep working as long as he can still walk….!

  2. Marcia says:

    Congratulations! I have nominated your blog for the Blog of the Year 2012 award (just under the wire, too, at that!) If you decide you’d like to participate, the rules can be found here:
    If not, that’s okay, too. Thanks for such a creative and fun blog. I’m going to enjoy looking around here a lot more, after reading about Father Time and Donner…I mean, Tony! Have a great day!

  3. Father Time has rights but he must be strong. All those years of service and employee of the year plaques must count for something! They will have to hire 4 New Year babies, at minimum wage, with no benefits to fill your experienced shoes. It all about the $$$$. Stay strong Father Time!

  4. jrosenberry1 says:

    As one person with a disability to another I say, “Fight! Fight! Fight!” Don’t let the rapid-aging thing define you, bud! Solidarity forever! Tell ’em to kiss yer wrinkled backside.

  5. ooplalund says:

    Hmm. Perhaps Father Time ages backwards Benjamin-button style, and Baby New Year is the parallel universe version: they are different versions but still the same person. Hopefully their ageing and de-ageing can sync up so somewhere in the middle they can share some laughs over a pint.

  6. susielindau says:

    Such a dire dilemma! It seems that time is on our, no wait….

  7. Marcia said I should check out your blog and say hello – glad to be here and I recognize some friendly faces. I’m concerned about our friend Father Time. Sounds as if he’s been working for the government and now as a possible former employee his benefits are being threatened in a last ditch effort to get him out of the way for the new kid. I’d bet anything the new kid is coming in as a contract hire!

  8. Austin says:

    Reblogged this on The Return of the Modern Philosopher and commented:

    Here’s one from the Archives. Help Father Time in his fight against age discrimination…before it’s too late!

  9. Louise says:

    you naughty boy Austin.. I was worried Father TIme had already retired.. Thank God he has not. I reckon Doc Browns got something to do with it..

    • Austin says:

      Well, I don’t know if the law is in his favor. I’m being told there is a contract that he signed with a footprint on New Year’s Day of last year…

  10. LucyJartz says:

    Two years in the courts, has Mr. 2012’s suit been joined by Mr. 2013 and Mr. 2014? Would the introduction of a Miss 2015 or 2016 bring another aspect to the injustices of the situation?

  11. Father Time has a case. He should lobby to bring back the Gregorian or Mayan calendars. Tell him I know several good lawyers. Father Time–I feel your pain!

  12. Allen says:

    Does this mean that 2017 will NEVER end? Please, say it ain’t so (he says, until 2018 makes 2017 seem like “the Good Old Days” of 2017.

    Even Election Year 2016 is starting to look good at this point, and we all remember how much we wanted that one to be gone.

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