“Baby New Year can cry all he wants, but he’s not getting my job!” declared an irate Father Time as he stood on the steps outside the courthouse in downtown Bangor. “I will retire under my own terms, and I assure you that New Year’s Eve will not be my last day on the job!”
The gathered crowd roared in support of the old man with the long beard as he raised his withered arms above his head in triumph.
I was on hand for the big announcement, Modern Philosophers, and had goosebumps from all the excitement.
Maybe New Year’s Eve in Maine won’t be so boring after all!
As you well know, it is customary for Baby New Year to take over the job at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Day. However, there isn’t anything in writing that says this transition has to take place, and that’s why Father Time feels he has the legal standing to keep his job.
“My client is well aware of how he got his current position,” Father Time’s attorney, Rachel Tempus-Fugit, told this Modern Philosopher. “He happens to enjoy his job, and he isn’t going to be forced out of it just because someone younger and cuter comes along and wants it. Additionally, my client suffers from a rare neurological disorder that causes him to age at an exceptionally rapid rate. The man isn’t even a year old yet, but he looks like he’s about to turn 100. You can’t put him out of a job and take away his medical benefits at a time when he needs them the most.”
It sounds like Father Time isn’t interested in signing up for Obamacare, Modern Philosophers.
Despite his withered appearance, Father Time was a man full of piss and vinegar. “They keep trying to tell me that retirement is going to be wonderful. I wasn’t born yesterday! Screw them!”
“Who’s to say the baby even wants the job?” Tempus-Fugit proposed. “There are child labor laws to prohibit such heinous work practices, and we are adding this forced indoctrination of a newborn to our lawsuit.”
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Does Father Time have a case? Should he be forced to give up his job even if he’s not ready to retire? Who would put a newborn baby to work?
As always, I look forward to reading your feedback…