Vegas Betting Against Your Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions

VegasVegas, Modern Philosophers, Vegas!

No, I didn’t go to Las Vegas for this story, but I wanted to do so.  It’s a frigid 14 degrees in Maine, and I know the odds favor that it is much warmer out in Sin City.

The House on the Hill did get a call, however, from my old pal, Frankie Napkins, a Brooklyn transplant who spends most of his time on the Vegas Strip.

“Thought you might wanna tip on a story,” Frankie said to start the call.  I knew who it was from the accent and the sound of slot machines clattering in the background.

We took time to catch up before getting down to business.  I hadn’t spoken to Frankie in a few months, but we picked up the conversation like it had only been a few days since our last conversation.

Vegas 2“Some wise ass oddsmakers cooked up a line on New Year’s Resolutions,” he informed me with his familiar throaty chuckle punctuating the words.  “They clearly don’t think people are gonna keep their promises, so you could make some serious cheddar if you actually followed through on your resolutions.  Hell, the odds are so long, that you could pay off your mortgage and finance a film if you laid down a reasonable bet.”

Of course, to Frankie Napkins, “a reasonable bet” constituted an amount of money that I would never have access to, let alone have the rocks to pony up for a bet.

It was nice to dream, though, and Frankie always brought out the dreamer in me.

“Since we go back a ways, and it’s the Holidays, I did lay a small wager for you on that whole naked Baby New Year debate you covered on your blog yesterday,” Frankie notified me as a slot machine threw up a treasure of quarters somewhere near him.

baby new yearPeople were placing bets on whether the protesters from GRANNY could force more clothes onto Baby New Year before the Times Square Ball Drop?

“This is Vegas, baby,” he reminded me.  “People will bet on anything, especially at the Holidays when everyone is in such a great mood.”

I was simply thrilled, Modern Philosophers, that Las Vegas oddsmakers knew about my blog.  How cool is that?

Because of that unexpected thrill, I thought I’d get a little wild.  I informed Frankie to let my winnings from the Baby New Year bet (that’s how confident I was!) ride on a new bet that I could keep my New Year’s Resolutions.

Why not, right?  It’s found money.  Mobsters won’t be coming after me if I lose like I’m Mark Wahlberg in The Gambler.

After giving it some Deep Thought, I realized that I might actually stick to my resolutions for once if there’s money on the line.  I can lose weight, run more, and eat healthier without a problem.  I’m also confident I can get my writing career on track.

The only hard one is going to be finding a girlfriend, but I have faith in myself.

SwingersLike Trent told Mikey in Swingers, one of my all time favorite flicks, “You’re so money, and you don’t even know it”.

I am money, Modern Philosophers, and because I know that, I’m going to buck the odds and bet on me.

Thanks, Frankie Napkins, for staking me.  You really are a true friend!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Holidays, Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Vegas Betting Against Your Keeping Your New Year’s Resolutions

  1. ksbeth says:

    i think you’ll do it all, austin. )

  2. Louise says:

    you won’t no matter how much moolah is up for grabs.. look at all those reality shows especially “fat Club” ones. they reckon they will swear on their mothers graves etc etc and still fall back into bad habits. I reckon you will last bit past the average 3 months. Come to think of it got Frankies number…mite get him to place a bet on that. 😀 ha aha ha ha ha ha .. More chance of Gary becoming human

  3. Matt says:

    You have a standing invite to Sin City!! Get your tail here and your hotel is free (somewhere nice too)…bring a friend…no cats!!

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