All Hallows Society To Charge Snow Miser With Winter War Crimes

All HallowsAs Mainers prepare for a frigid night with wind chills approaching 30 degrees below zero, the word around the fireplace is that The All Hallows Society has decided to charge Snow Miser with Winter War Crimes.

While there is no legal precedent for such actions, who is going to question the authority of Maine’s all powerful, ultra secret organization?

“It’s a bold move for sure,” Cy Brown, Maine’s most successful attorney told this Modern Philosopher.  “Maine has actually set some precedent for this by allowing The All Hallows Society so much latitude in its protection of Otherworldly Beings in the state.  For all intents and purposes, The All Hallows Society is an independent government and police force within the state, and there seems to be no limit to its power or authority.”

If you recall, Modern Philosophers, the members of this top secret society were just named this blog’s 2014 Beings of the Year.  The main reason they receive this honor was for the way they looked out for the best interests of Otherworldly Beings.

Snow Miser“Snow Miser is definitely a threat to all Mainers, which makes him a threat to Otherworldly Beings,” Cy continued as he sipped hot cocoa to battle the chill.

“The All Hallows Society believes it to be within its rights to charge Snow Miser with crimes against those beings it has sworn to protect.  If you ask me, Snow Miser is lucky they want to deal with this via legal channels.  I’m sure the mysterious beings in spooky hooded cloaks have other, more painful ways to deal with such a problem.”

Unfortunately, I was unable to get a comment from The All Hallows Society for this article, which leads me to believe that my information is correct.  It would make sense to not want to show their hand before taking action.

Snow Miser, on the other hand, would not keep quiet.  “Let those weirdos in the hoods try to take me to court,” Snow Miser declared as he whistled and the Winter Winds howled and caused the temperature to drop another five degrees.  They’re nothing more than a bunch of monks who got power hungry.  I’m not afraid of them.”

Frigid Temperatures And Snow Hamper NYC Morning CommuteIn the meantime, Mainers are bundling up and preparing for a night from the Ice Age.  Temperatures have plummeted since the sun set, and once the winds pick up, we are in for some extremely perilous conditions.

This Modern Philosopher is doing his best to keep The House on the Hill warm and the water flowing through the pipes.

While I think that Snow Miser should face charges for the horrors he has brought to Mainers already this Winter, I worry about how the little ice imp will retaliate if The All Hallows Society tries to have him arrested.

It should make for a very dramatic scenario.  Hopefully, I can cover the story from the warm confines of The House on the Hill, far from the icy legal tundra outside its doors.

Stay warm, Modern Philosophers.  We’ve still got 12 weeks to go until April…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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10 Responses to All Hallows Society To Charge Snow Miser With Winter War Crimes

  1. jerryofcali says:

    Meanwhile in California, it’s 70.

  2. Louise says:

    Just another day in paradise. Sang glen fry its another day of 36+ celsius here …better get the eiderdown down & fluffed …

  3. Louise says:

    Ohhh Austin…are you envious? or are you just being mean to me because it is hot here and i wish that i was over there instead….. so that makes me envious of you, mark and all the others in the snow.

  4. Pingback: Icebergs Snarl Maine Traffic As New Ice Age Grips State | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

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