Maine Thermometers Ordered To Go To Counseling For Being So Damn Negative

Given that it is 12 below zero, with a wind chill of 30 below this morning in Maine, I thought I’d share this one again. Stay warm, Modern Philosophers!

The Return of the Modern Philosopher

thermometer 2In a stunning move and a ridiculous misuse of his power, Maine Governor Paul LePage announced that all thermometers in the state had to attend mandatory counseling sessions to address their constant negativity.

“Thermometers need to learn that their attitudes affect the good people of Maine,” LePage stated in a news conference attended only by homeless people looking to get in out of the subzero temperatures.  “If they don’t stop being so negative, they will be replaced.”

Maine has been suffering through a ridiculous cold spell this week with temperatures approaching -35 degrees with the wind chill.  As I type this, it is -7 degrees and I am wearing my warmest fur lined toga.  It is not supposed to warm up again until April.

As is the norm, there has been serious outrage over the words coming out of the Governor’s mouth.  Joey Mercury, the President of the Thermometer Union…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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4 Responses to Maine Thermometers Ordered To Go To Counseling For Being So Damn Negative

  1. No, thermometers are only recorders, not doers. Please stop sharing the cold. ^^’ Kind of you, but we don’t want to share.

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