Aliens Don’t Get Earthlings’ Fascination With Snow

mothershipSometimes, when I get too stressed, Modern Philosophers, I hitch a ride on the Alien Mothership that hovers high above Bangor, and spend a night up in the stars.

The Mothership is enormous, but something about it feels warm and cozy.

Maybe it’s my friendly Alien hosts, who are always eager to make me feel at hone.

Perhaps just staring down on our planet from high up in the Milky Way allows me to put all my problems into perspective.

I think it might just be the quiet and the amazing view.  Nothing can put a harried mind at ease faster than a few minutes of staring out into the vast reaches of space.

“Why are humans so fascinated by snow, Austin?” asked the young Alien male that had appeared out of nowhere.  “We just don’t understand its appeal.”

My inquisitive young friend had an entourage, but the others were much too shy to address the tall human in the toga.

“Sometimes I wonder that very thing,” I admitted with a smile and motioned for the Alien kiddos to join me at my table.

None of them were bold enough to sit, however.  Alien children with dual Maine citizenship are raised to be extremely respectful of humans.  Where the earliest arrivals had been bold, curious, and eager to probe, the new generation wants to be accepted and fit in like their counterparts born on Earth.

“Many of us attend school down on Maine, and we watch with extreme curiosity as our human classmates go…I think the term is “wicked bananas”…whenever the snow begins to fall,” the group’s spokesperson continued respectfully.  “They cannot wait to be outside, they sprawl in it to make angels, they compact it into orbs to hurl at each other, and they build large, round creatures that look eerily like our enemies back on our home planet.”

The Aliens cringed at the resemblance between Snowmen and their natural enemies.

“There’s something magical about snow when you’re a kid,” I explained with a smile.  “When I was your age, I prayed for snow because if we got enough of it, they canceled school.  Right there, that’s enough to love snow unconditionally.”

Aliens“But we love school, Austin,” he added politely.  “We enjoy learning with our Maine friends, and it makes us sad when snow closes the school.   That means we have to spend the day being Mothershipschooled.”

I had to chuckle at “Mothershipschooled” as that was a new word for me.

“Have you ever asked your parents to let you spend a snow day down on Earth playing with your friends?” I asked.  “You don’t have to build Snowmen, but you could build snow forts, have snowball fights, play tackle football, and ride a sled.”

The young Aliens shook their heads like none of that sounded appealing.  “Snow is cold and wet.  It causes our skin to sag and wrinkle and feel much heavier that normal,” my little friend explained.  “Plus it’s slippery so we move quite awkwardly in it.”

“I hear you there,” I quipped.  “I don’t like snow much, either, and think it’s more a nuisance than anything else.”

snowman“Well, there is one cool things about snow,” the ringleader admitted in a conspiratorial whisper.  “Sometimes, our older siblings will take us in their cruisers, and we zip down to Earth and melt the scary Snowbeings with their laser cannons.”

The Aliens’ faces lit up with delight and they pumped their fists triumphantly.

I’ve got to try that sometime, Modern Philosophers.  Doesn’t it sound like such a rush?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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