I Give Up calls itself “The dating site for frustrated singles ready to settle down“.
Doesn’t that sound perfect?
I am admittedly frustrated with the dating process, and I am most definitely ready to settle down. This site is exactly what I need, and I’m about to give them some free advertising on my blog as I sign up for the service.
Who knows? Maybe they’ll even waive the $25 registration fee once they see all the extra business they get after I post this article.
“Welcome to I Give Up. My name is Jonah, and I’ll be your White Flag Helper. How can I assist you today?” asks the kind voice on the other end of the line.
“Hi, Jonah,” I reply cheerily. “I’m Austin, and I am a frustrated single who is ready to settle down.”
“You mean settle, sir,” Jonah corrects.
“Excuse me?” I ask as I think positive thoughts. No bad karma allowed right now.
“You misquoted our motto, sir,” Jonah informs me politely. “This is a dating site for frustrated singles who are ready to settle.”
“Yes,” I concur. “I’m ready to settle down with my dream date and special someone.”
“We’ve got another one,” I hear Jonah say to someone on his end of the line. “We get this all the time, sir. This site is for people who are sick of dating and just want to settle for the first person we can pair them up with. It’s not a match made in heaven, but rather a match made of convenience, loneliness, and utter desperation. Now how would you like to pay your $25 registration fee?”
Give me a second to check this out…
The Hopeless Romantic in me just died a little, Modern Philosophers. Young, blunt Jonah was right. I Give Up is a dating site for people who have waved the white flag on trying to find true love, and simply want someone to call “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”.
I think I hear my heart crying.
According to the site, everyone is guaranteed a match, and the formula is simple. When a person signs up for the service, he is paired with the last person who matches his sexual preference to register for the site.
So, were I to create an account right now, I Give Up would send me either the vitals of the last woman seeking a man to join the site, or the next one that joins. It just depends on where they are in the matching up process.
If either of us is unhappy with the pairing, we can pay another $25 and be hooked up with the next appropriate sucker to join the site. According to their testimonials, however, only 2% of users ever blow a second $25.
“You’ve basically given up on love and dating, so why waste another $25?” the site asks in its FAQ section.
I guess there’s some logic to what they’re selling. If people have gotten to the point where they’d rather just be with someone instead of being alone, I suppose I Give Up is a cheap, hassle free way to find an insignificant other.
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Is this dating site on to something? Is this a service you would ever use? Do you think I was correct to run away screaming and not give up on finding true love just yet?