A Heart Too Big

When I was younger,

I suffered from

An odd medical condition

That the doctors

Never could diagnose.

I used to get

Really hot,

Start to sweat,

See spots,

And sometimes

Pass out.

It often happened

When I was in

A large group,

So I always assumed

It was

A panic attack.

My first memory

Of it happening

Was in third grade.

We were on the bleachers

In the auditorium,

Practicing for

The Music Festival.

The spotlights

Were on us.

The entire grade

Packed together

Like Catholic sardines.

And I passed out,

Falling off those

Ancient bleachers.

The Nuns

Probably thought

I was possessed.

It happened

More frequently

When I started High School,

And had to take

The Subway to school.

New York City,

Rush hour,

Not the best place

To be

When you had

A tendency

To pass out

In crowds.

I saw several doctors,

Who could never

Quite determine the cause

Of the problem.

I’ll always remember,

What one doctor said,

Though.

He declared

That my heart

Was too large

For my chest cavity.

Nothing ever came

Of that, however.

The issue simply

Went away.

Lately, I’ve been wondering

If my heart

Might be

Too big again.

It would explain

How it

Has out muscled

My brain

For control

Of my body.

What if my heart

Is too big

For me

To ever find

Enough love

To fill it?

Will I start

Passing out again?

Or will I simply

End up

All alone,

Wondering

What happened

To my heart?