A Heart Too Big

heart snowWhen I was younger,

I suffered from

An odd medical condition

That the doctors

Never could diagnose.

I used to get

Really hot,

Start to sweat,

See spots,

And sometimes

Pass out.

It often happened

When I was in

A large group,

So I always assumed

It was

A panic attack.

My first memory

Of it happening

Was in third grade.

We were on the bleachers

In the auditorium,

Practicing for

The Music Festival.

The spotlights

Were on us.

The entire grade

Packed together

Like Catholic sardines.

And I passed out,

Falling off those

Ancient bleachers.

The Nuns

Probably thought

I was possessed.

It happened

More frequently

When I started High School,

And had to take

The Subway to school.

New York City,

Rush hour,

Not the best place

To be

When you had

A tendency

To pass out

In crowds.

I saw several doctors,

Who could never

Quite determine the cause

Of the problem.

I’ll always remember,

What one doctor said,


He declared

That my heart

Was too large

For my chest cavity.

Nothing ever came

Of that, however.

The issue simply

Went away.

Lately, I’ve been wondering

If my heart

Might be

Too big again.

It would explain

How it

Has out muscled

My brain

For control

Of my body.

What if my heart

Is too big

For me

To ever find

Enough love

To fill it?

Will I start

Passing out again?

Or will I simply

End up

All alone,


What happened

To my heart?

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to A Heart Too Big

  1. sourgirlohio says:

    A big heart, in a figurative way, is a good thing. She’ll be lucky when you find her.
    Nice poem:)

  2. April says:

    You will find love! You are just to nice of a person not to! The good guy ends up with the girl I promise 🙂

  3. Pamela Edwards says:

    Austin this is tugging my heartstrings ! It makes me a little sad too . I hope all of your dreams do come true & that you find forever love ! 💓

  4. Louise says:

    loving all of this; yes your heart ( and mine) is too big but hey some of us are lucky that way). Maybe you should have a seperate blog for your poems, like i do.
    Anyway when are you going to start on Valentines day?or the Superbowl? or spring is around the cornere stuff/ or better yet let us know how seamus and gary are enjoying the new year. Have the All Hallows crew gone to the bahamas for holidays? And hows Mayor mc cheese fairing in this weather of yours.

  5. I’d like to think of your heart being so full of love already, that’s why it’s to big for you. But when (and yes I say when, not if) you find love, it will be set free and shared with the one who deserves all you have to give.

  6. markbialczak says:

    Austin, when you get in one of these moods, my worry about you is that you suffer from a little brain. Remember what I’ve told you, I found my dear wife Karen when I was 45 and divorced …

  7. Louise says:

    really mark. well maybe there is hope for me and Austin ( and others) yet

  8. Ann Koplow says:

    I have a backwards heart, Austin. Cross my heart and hope to live. All hearts, even the unusual ones, can love and be loved. (I found my latest love in my late 50’s.)

  9. ksbeth says:

    no, it is just the right size. like the grinch whose heart grew 3 sizes in one day, yours is just the right size for you.

  10. I love this, I love the way it reads like a story, yet is still poetic.

    P.S: I spent 18 years in a rotten marriage and reached the ripe old age of 48 before I found my true love….don’t give up just yet 🙂

    Take care, Kimmie x

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