I hadn’t seen my good friend Mayor McCheese, Modern Philosophers, since his stunning defeat in the Maine Gubernatorial Election. Despite being the frontrunner for over a year, he was defeated by incumbent Governor Paul LePage on Election Day.
My heart still weeps a little at the thought of it…
“I have come to bid you adieu, mon ami,” Mayor McCheese said sadly as he handed me a Big Mac meal with a chocolate shake upon entering my home for the first time since he left the campaign trail. “Not forever, but just for the next few months. I’m off to France.”
As I ate my non-happy meal (who could possibly be in a good mood when a friend is moving to France???), McCheese talked about the aftermath of Election Day, his search for meaning in his life, and his decision to work on the other side of the Atlantic.
“I still don’t understand how I lost the election, and I’m devastated because I love Maine and had so many great things planned for this amazing state,” he lamented as he sipped his Snapple. “The All Hallows Society tried to get me to lodge a protest and demand a recount, but what good would that have done Maine in the long run?”
“Not altogether,” he informed me with a shrug of the shoulders. “Zeus said he would return from Mount Olympus to manage my next campaign any time I gave the word. I just don’t think I will be stepping back into that arena any time soon.”
Why exactly was he wearing a beret and speaking to me in French?
“I’m going to France to star in a reality TV series,” McCheese told me excitedly in a French accent. “As you know, I’ve been very popular there since Pulp Fiction told the world the French consider me to be royalty. We’re even going to call the show Royale With Cheese!”
My first Deep Thought was that the show must be really heavy on the cheese, but I saw how jubilant my friend was, and I didn’t want to ruin that. Not after he’d spent the last two months in a funk, trying to figure out how he’d lost an election to one of the worst Governors in Maine’s history.
“It’s going to be all about my adapting to life in France, and the notoriety that goes along with being a cult figure,” he said with great enthusiasm. “In France, I’m something like Jerry Lewis with a giant hamburger head. I don’t understand it, but I think the distraction is exactly what I need right now.”
“Zeus loves France, and he’s already promised to appear in several episodes. He said he’s eager to see which of us is the bigger god in the eyes of the French!”
McCheese went on to tell me that he hoped that Hamburglar could join the cast as his best friend and sidekick, but the producers had to work out a plan to get him off the No Fly list first.
Are there any plans for Jules and Vincent to show up in France to talk to the living, breathing Royale With Cheese about the movie that made him a French icon?
“I can’t give away all my secrets, Austin, but I think Pulp Fiction fans will definitely want to watch the show,” he told me with a knowing wink.
My good friend was going to be a big TV star in France, and I’m lovin’ it. Bon chance, Royale with Cheese!