We’re Here To Pump You Up

HansHey, New England Patriots,

We heard about

Your girlie

Deflated footballs.

Why don’t

You use ones

That are

Fully inflated?

Is it because

Your tiny

Girlie hands

Cannot hold them?

Were you worried


About breaking

A nail?

Were you crying

Because the footballs

Were more

Pumped than you?

Ya, that sounds right.

Hey, Tom Brady,

Pretty boy

With your model wife,

We hear

You like your balls


And what

About you,

Bill Belichick,

Angry, little

Troll man?

You cut the sleeves

From your hoodie

Like you want

To show off

Your guns,

But your

Gun show

Don’t bring

The girls

To your yard

Because you are puny

And flabby.

We are here

To pump…

You up!

Your footballs

That is.


Won’t let

Your puniness

Embarrass them

Next week.

So grow

Bigger hands,

And maybe

Some balls.

Super balls

For Super Sunday!

No cheating

At the Super Bowl!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Poetry and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to We’re Here To Pump You Up

  1. Very humorous and clever!

  2. markbialczak says:

    Hahahahahaha. Thank you, Austin. Ha!

  3. This is one of my favorites!!

  4. Definitely LOL’d at this. Like, multiple times! Hahaha!

  5. NotAPunkRocker says:

    They showed on the news this morning that a Boston coffee house was selling deflated football cookies. Good way to get rid of leftovers, right?

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