When I’m not writing at The House on the Hill, Modern Philosophers, I am chained to a desk at an undisclosed location in the Greater Bangor Area.
Not much changes in an office. Sure, the people might come and go, but other than that, the view pretty much remains the same. It’s not like the powers that be are constantly hiring interior designers to tinker with the look.
It’s an office, and everyone knows that an office isn’t supposed to change.
Every once in a while, however, something unexpected pops up and sends all the confused office drones into a tizzy.
Here is such and example…
This was the view from my desk today.
Yes, Modern Philosophers, that is an orange traffic cone sitting in the middle of the hall just outside of the big glass conference room aka “The Fishbowl”.
What the hell is that thing doing there???
You have no idea how many people walked through that hall, stopped at my desk, and asked me what the deal was with the traffic cone.
Would you like to hear some of my favorite answers?
“It’s covering the sinkhole”.
“There’s a giant rat underneath it. Don’t get too close because it’s already gotten out once.
“Construction crews are coming at 3:00 to make it a three lane hallway.”
“It’s a warning that traffic is backed up because of an accident at the photocopier.”
“It’s for the tee ball game we’re playing against Billing after work.”
“The office is built on an ancient Witch burial ground, and a Witch with an orange hat is in the process of rising from her grave.”
“That’s your new desk.”
The actual reason the traffic cone was there is too boring to share, Modern Philosophers. It definitely was an exciting conversation starter on a boring Friday, though.
What witty answer would you have given for the cone’s presence? Did you have a favorite in my list of wise ass answers? Have you ever had a mystery traffic cone in the middle of your office? Would you like one?
The Return of the Modern Philosopher 
I would have said it was a spider instead of a rat, because I have found people to be more terrified of spiders and merely fearful of rats.
Buy a spider might’ve crawled out of the hole in the top of the cone… 🙂
Not if it’s a large one spider. They have a hard time climbing closed-in walls. And I would know, having dealt with them. In rural Maine. With plastic and paper cups.
Well, it was a rat in my joke. Sorry. 🙂
Austin, you aren’t allowed to *apologize* for using a rat…! That goes against every rule of being a writer! You stand by your rat and say, “My rat would kill your spider, and *that* is why I used a rat. So fu!” 😉 A rat would make the cone jiggle while it was trying to get out, and that would be terrifying to watch. A spider would just crawl away. No rat apologies.
I’m no rat, so I really know nothing about them…
I personally like the rat one , bet that freaked some ladies out in the office ! It’s amazing how many people will ask questions about something like that lol . Could have told them it landed there this morning & has been hovering sporadically, and i’m just waiting to see if it takes off . 😉
Good one. 🙂
It looks like there’s something shiny wrapped around the cone, like reflective tape. So I’d tell people it attracts energy from the cosmos, and that when you squat over it, it shoots therapeutic waves of cosmic energy up your chakras.
Yikes. Like a cosmic porta potty?
hahaha
🙂
It’s there to make everyone ask you questions about it, distract you every second with these questions, not let you get any work done, and get you fired as a result.
I hope I’m wrong.
Totally wrong, but a good guess. 🙂
I guess I could have said, “It’s my pet cone. His name is George. Now don’t you wish they would have had Bring Your Dog to Work Day?” But I confess to being more exercised about what the real reason for the cone is. Are you sure it was too boring to share? Because that’s going to bother me.
There was a hole in the carpet, and the Facilities guy put it there so no one would trip over it. Boring!
I feel better knowing that. That sort of thing is like an unresolved chord in my head. Then again i would think a cone would be easier to trip on than a hole, but then I’m clumsy.
He said he used that to make it obvious to the landlord that there was a problem…
i love the cone in the middle of the floor. usually at my workplace, in the kindergarten, it is a symbol of some body fluid gone horribly wrong and misplaced onto the floor, never good –
Hmmm…do you think one of my coworkers peed out in the hall???
I like the ancient Witch rising from her grave – I’ve had many strange things in my office but never a traffic cone!
Ha! I was just reading your tuna casserole post. That Witch is coming for dinner at your place. 🙂
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