What If Snow Is Just The Cocaine Of The Gods?

Austin Super SaturdayAs you can probably tell from the title of this post, Modern Philosophers, my Post Traumatic Snow Disorder has been acting up again today.

Just look at this photo of me from this morning if you don’t believe me.

It’s been snowing since yesterday, so I needed to get back outside to deal with the giant piles of white stuff that could very well be the leftovers from a wild party the gods have been having.

I’ll check with Zeus on that the next time he comes to The House on the Hill.  I’ve never seen cocaine, aside from on TV and in movies, and I have no reason to believe that any of the gods snort the stuff.  But it’s an interesting theory.  Perhaps Maine is just a giant stash house.

I’ll check with Zeus, but for now, we’ll blame it on my severe case of PTSD.

Let me share how the world looks outside The House on the Hill today…

Sat front walkWelcome to The House on the Hill!  If you can navigate up that front walkway and actually find the porch steps buried under all that snow, there is a snow covered front porch just waiting for you!

Sat fenceThis fence surrounds the yard on the side of The House on the Hill.  As you can see, it’s pretty much buried now because I’ve been piling the snow there when I clear the driveway.

There are several bushes under all that snow and I feel bad for them…well, not for Jeb.  He deserves it!

Sat treesI’ve tried to keep a path cleared in the side yard for the oil delivery guy, and so that I could use the side door in case of an emergency.

I have not, however, shoveled by the back fence and the mud room entrance.  The snow is almost up to the door back there.

I had to trudge through that snow today to clear the back roof with the roof rake, and it well well above my knees.

Sat pileWhat do you think the street value is of this enormous pile of snowcaine?

If you had to guess, which of the gods do you think snorts the stuff?

Sat shovelHere’s my shovel on a union mandated 15 minute break.

I totally support unions, Modern Philosophers, but in this instance, I was hoping my shovel would waive its break and just let me finish the job.  It was damn cold out there, and I had to jump around to keep warm while my shovel relaxed.

Sat garageI am so glad I do not own two cars, Modern Philosophers.

I don’t know where I’d find the energy to clear the left side of the driveway, and I’m not sure where I’d put that snow.

You know, until the gods put it up their noses…

Sat PTSDThis is what happens to a handsome, charming Modern Philosopher after he’s spent far too much time out in the snow.

Post Traumatic Snow Disorder is real, Modern Philosophers!

And as Monty Python would say, “Now for something completely different…”

Kitties JetsWhile I was outside shoveling away, Cali and Luna were curled up in my Jets jacket.

At least my Jets jacket is serving some purpose on Super Bowl Weekend!

Thanks for joining me on this tour around The House on the Hill.  Have a Super Saturday, stay warm, and see your doctor immediately if you have any questions about Post Traumatic Snow Disorder…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

39 Responses to What If Snow Is Just The Cocaine Of The Gods?

  1. susielindau says:

    I love snow! Send some this way, Austin. We are supposed to get a few flakes this afternoon.

  2. Pamela Edwards says:

    Bless your heart Austin ! You are really getting hammered by the Snow Miser . With all the shoveling & roof raking you will be exhausted come Monday . Try not to overdo it . I can only hope it stops soon for your sanity .

  3. Hmm… Perhaps you could roll up a twenty dollar bill and snort some snow. This might alert said Gods, who might come down with fiery wrath (that might even melt some snow). Tell ’em you’re so tempted to snort more—especially all the driveway and roof snow. Compliment them ad infinitum, then plead with them to take it away so you won’t be so tempted.

  4. AC says:

    Have you ever considered buying a snow blower? Or would you have to sell a lot of snowcaine in order to afford one?

  5. floridaborne says:

    The first picture of the house on the hill looks more like a haunted house. Cats on a jets jacket fit right in as guardians of the ghosts. 🙂

  6. purpleanais says:

    So, SO jealous of all that snow!

  7. All I can do is shake my head. You’re such a goofball! Of course I’m probably the biggest nerd on the planet, so who am I to talk. 😉 Thanks for the laugh and I hope you find the strength to shovel all that snow. Were suppose to be getting up to 8 in. here. So, I will soon be having tons of fun here too!

  8. Cali and Luna are having a ball curled up in your jacket, I think they have the right idea. Hopefully you were able to join them by the fire and warm up after all that shoveling.

  9. Awe, poor Austin 😦 well you could have grabbed a blanket and curled up next to them, or on the couch. I think all this snow has gotten to your head, you’re forgetting how to improvise! 😉

  10. I feel your pain. The Mohawk Valley is often inundated, although this season has been not so bad (knock wood) (not my head, that’s concrete). Did you say you’ve never even SEEN cocaine? I can’t possibly scroll all the way back up and double check. I find that hard to believe, you being in show business and all. Even I’ve seen cocaine, although I have certainly never snorted any (caffeine and alcohol are my drugs of choice). Or are you just being circumspect to protect your disreputable friends? Incidentally, you are a cutie. I say it in a friendly, older woman fashion, not cougarishly (my computer underlines that, but it is the word I mean).

  11. Marneymae says:

    Northeast could load up that snow in rail cars & train it out to the desert southwest…

  12. Wow, those are some piles of snow you got there. Yes it looks pretty from the pictures but I don’t envy you guys having to deal with so much of the stuff. Does the mailman still deliver, as your mailbox looks almost out of bounds?

  13. Pingback: Stormy weather | Beyond the Crucible

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