Linus Strangled With His Blanket; All Mainers Are Suspects

Linus 8Linus, the beloved young cartoon character who enjoyed giving grand speeches, believed in the Great Pumpkin, and was never seen without his security blanket, was found murdered today, Modern Philosophers.

He was strangled by the very blanket that he thought brought him security.  While police are not willing to give too many details at this time, my sources tell me that every Mainer is a person of interest in the murder.

Linus“Linus was a good kid, who always saw the best in everyone, and he was never afraid to speak his mind,” Charles Brown of Hampden, who claimed to be an old school chum of the deceased, told this Modern Philosopher.  “Sure he was obsessed with giant pumpkins and always carried that ratty blanket, but if you took the time to get to know him, you’d see he was pretty cool.”

Why was Linus murdered?

“Because too many Mainers are suffering from Post Traumatic Snow Disorder,” explained Dr. Jekyll, a Bangor doctor who specializes in the treatment of PTSD.  “The Weather Channel named today’s blizzard Winter Storm Linus, and clearly, someone snapped and took it out on the poor kid.”

But who was it, Modern Philosophers?  Maine State Police believe they have about 1.3 million suspects.

“Everyone in Maine is a person of interest,” State Police spokesperson Amanda Costigan announced at a hastily arranged press conference to address the media’s demand for information on the tantalizing murder.  “I can’t disclose details of an ongoing investigation, but the killer made it clear that the murder was directly related to this Nor’easter being named Linus.”

Intriguing.

Mainers have had to dig out from under 4 feet of snow in the past week, Modern Philosophers, so while I don’t condone murder, I can see where someone might be driven to commit the act.

I wondered if a defense of Temporary Insanity brought about by Post Traumatic Snow Disorder would allow the killer to walk free.

Winter-Storm-Linus“It’s an interesting idea,” Cy Brown, Maine’s leading attorney and friend of the blog admitted as we shared a Snapple in his office.  “A case could be made for PTSD leading to this crime.  The other thing to consider is what jury is ever going to convict a fellow Mainer of this murder?  Everyone is so sick of this snow and would understand the killer’s motivation.”

Will anyone serve time for the murder of this widely adored cartoon character, or has he simply been erased from the world by a killer who is going to snowshoe free?

I will continue to track this story as well as the next storm system approaching the area…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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19 Responses to Linus Strangled With His Blanket; All Mainers Are Suspects

  1. NotAPunkRocker says:

    He probably started to make a philosophical speech about seasons changing and the beauty of snow, which only destroyed any chance of the killer having mercy on him in the final moments.

  2. jerryofcali says:

    Is Lucy helping clients with their PTSD at her stand as a way to cope or is she in mourning?

  3. susielindau says:

    Wow. What horrid news. Linus will be missed by all…

  4. Purpleanais says:

    Hahaha
    You REALLY don’t like the snow! I’m going to repeat what I said after reading your last post: I’m jealous…. AND before you repeat your previous answer to my previous comment (what a mouthful this sentence is, sorry!) I’m gonna add: I wish, I really do, that I could take it from you 😉 Haha

  5. jerryofcali says:

    So she does indeed. Please send my condolences.

  6. AC says:

    Sounds like Justifiable Homicide to me. Mainers have stood their ground.

  7. alesiablogs says:

    My dog’s name was Linus. He passed away last month! I knew he would show back up one way or another! He was my special guy aNd so beautiful. I blogged about him so much. He brought lots of laughs and sunshine to my readers. Not sure this “Linus” will!!!!!

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