A Hump Day’s Journey Into Night

corner boothApparently, I was smiling as I slid into my usual booth at Three Toads & A Wicked Lady, because Ana commented on it the second she took off her jacket.

“What’s gotten into you tonight?” my favorite Vampire asked as she settled into her side of the booth.  “Not only did you want to go out on a work night, but you’re also smiling and haven’t made one complaint about the weather.  Is the poster boy for Post Traumatic Snow Disorder ignoring the ailment that plagues him?”

That wise ass comment earned my beautiful friend a smirk.  “It’s Hump Day!” I countered.  “We need to celebrate that we’ve made it halfway through another Winter week, and that Spring is half a week closer.”

Ana studied me over the top of her large eyeglasses, and the look on her face told me she just wasn’t buying my story.  She slid a menu across the table and then buried her nose in one of her own.

“If you’re going to lie to me, I’m going to ignore you,” she warned.

Vampires can be such divas.  I didn’t normally hang out with them for this very reason, but after the Witches who owned this bar pushed me to meet Ana, I knew I had to make an excuse for my No Vamps rule.

AnaPlus, Anastasia was one of the most beautiful creatures I’d ever met.  I’d set aside pretty much any rule if it meant getting to spend time with her.

Of course, I never told her that.  You can’t feed a Vampire’s ego.  That almost as bad as letting them feed on your blood.

“I’m just happy that it didn’t snow, the temperature is above zero, the roads are in decent shape, and my anxiety levels are as close to normal as they’ve been in a long time,” I confessed to the cover of Ana’s menu.

She lowered the menu.  “Now was that so hard?”

I looked over at her, slightly bewildered.  “I wasn’t lying to you, Ana.  I told you, I wanted to celebrate that it was Wednesday, and another week was almost over.”

At that moment, the bars’ owners, who were also our good friends and the most powerful Witches in Maine, appeared at the booth.  Ti-Diana brought me a Snapple and a chilled mug, and an icy glare for Ana.

Volcanica Ivy presented Ana with a large Bloody Mary, while Waltzing Matilda simply snapped her fingers to conjure up a plate overflowing with Buffalo Witchin’ Wings.

witches“You make such an attractive couple,” Matilda, ever the matchmaker, announced much to Ti-Diana’s chagrin.

“We are easy on the eyes,” Ana agreed after taking a long sip of her drink.  “Alas, we can never be a couple as Toga Boy isn’t into older women.  At least not those a couple of hundred years his elder.”

Two of the Witches gave me the dirtiest of looks, while the one who had feelings for me smiled and conjured up a frosty mug of Hump Day Ale to go with my Snapple and wings.

“They’re wonderful friends, and we really shouldn’t poke our noses into their private lives,” Ti-Diana admonished her friends as she gave me a gentle pat on the shoulder.

Ana chuckled, knowing that the speaker of those words had an enormous crush on me.

“Do you want to join us, ladies?” Ana asked.  “Austin was just telling me how he’s in a wonderful mood and isn’t letting his Post Traumatic Snow Disorder rule his life today.”

Ti-Diana, the Witch who rivaled the Vampire in beauty, made a move to sit down next to me, but Waltzing Matilda nixed the idea.  “Thank you, but the bar is very busy.  This little break in the weather has people coming out to unwind.”

“Nothing like beer and wings to cure cabin fever,” Volcanica Ivy added.  “I’m sure anything other than vanilla ice cream and mashed potatoes is extremely appealing right now.”

We all laughed, and Ivy earned a gold star for her sly reference to last night’s blog post.

Ti-Diana“The wings are on me,” Ti-Diana informed me with a wink, and then all three of them vanished in a puff of green smoke.

“I don’t care how many times I see that Magic exit, I’ll never grow tired of it,” Ana told me as she got to work on a second wing.  “You really should ask out Ti-Di.  She’s dying to burn on your stake, big boy.”

I didn’t need a mirror to know that I was blushing.  My face must have been extremely red, though, because Ana slid my Snapple over to me.

I chugged down the whole glass.

“You can’t say stuff like that, Ana,” I scolded her.

“Why not?  Someone’s got to push you to start dating again, and she is clearly crushing on you.  Why haven’t you made a move yet?”

I shrugged and stared at my chicken wing like it was the most fascinating thing in the world, just to avoid eye contact with the Vampire.

“They call it Hump Day for a reason,” she continued, clearly trying to push my buttons.  “Take that gorgeous Witch to a supply closet and conjured up some Hump Day humping!”

We both laughed like idiots.  I laughed because I felt awkward about the conversation.  Ana was probably laughing because she enjoyed making me feel uncomfortable.

She grabbed the plate of Buffalo Witchin’ Wings and held it up next to her face.  “I’m just trying to help by being the perfect wing woman.”

I laughed again.  Ana knew how to put me in a good mood, she was so pretty, and I really enjoyed being around her.  Maybe she was the reason I hadn’t asked out Ti-Diana yet?

Relationships, love, and dating have been the furthest things from my mind during this Winter of my Discontent.   Perhaps I should start paying more attention to those things, and less time worrying about the weather.

book loveI took a long sip of my beer, and as I did so, I conjured up some Deep Thoughts of the beautiful Witch who had given it to me, as I stared across the table at the gorgeous Vampire who was having so much fun busting my chops.

Life was very good at the moment, Modern Philosophers.  Happy Hump Day!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to A Hump Day’s Journey Into Night

  1. adamjasonp says:

    Hump Day Ale and Snapple and wings.  And a hot vampire.  Who could ask for anything more? 🙂

      • adamjasonp says:

        No, sir.  I say go ahead & celebrate humpy hump day by getting over your hundred-year age discrimination with the vamp.  Keep it interesting, and…another joke about sucking I won’t utter because this is a family-oriented blog.  (Ends with blood-sucking.)  The week is half over, yay. 🙂

      • Austin says:

        For the record, Ana was the one who assumed I had an issue with her age. Look at her photo…she’s looks like she’s 26…

  2. Asariels Muse says:

    Sounds like a lovely night out.

  3. markbialczak says:

    I little risque Wednesday, Austin. A lot’s at stake in your love life here … put some teeth into your decision …

  4. jan says:

    Hump day humping – I believe you’ve come up with a new hashtag! And with Witchin’ wings no less. Love the title as I loved the movie! jan

  5. ksbeth says:

    be open to all possibilities, austin. you never know…

  6. Age is just a number, I say, if you have a thing for Ana…go for it. Nothing is sexier than a man who goes after what he wants. And she seems to have a thing for you too 😉 Tomorrow’s thirsty Thursday…you can always go back for some more Snapple or a Humpday Ale…

  7. technophile9 says:

    As a newcomer to this blog, all I can think of is that xkcd comic about ‘snapples’: http://xkcd.com/18/ 😛 Ana seems interesting though.

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