I Advise You To Demand Time Travel Technology

BlutoDear Modern Philosopher,

I have a problem that I’m hoping you can solve.

I woke up this morning to find that my husband wasn’t in bed.  This has happened several times now over the past few weeks, and I don’t know where to turn for help.

We’ve been married almost 15 years, and it’s very comforting to awaken and find him next to me.  Sure, I tease him about his snoring and the way he hogs the covers, but it’s only because I love him.  It’s very safe and reassuring to know he is there.

So what do I do?  How do fix this?  How do I get my man back?

I should probably add that the reason he hasn’t been there is because he’s gotten up early to shovel the snow out of the driveway.  Yet another storm hit last night, and my wonderful husband is out there clearing a path for our cars.

Is there a way to fast forward through Winter so I can wake up in his arms everyday?

Thanks for your help!

The Snow Shoveler’s Wife

Doc BrownDear Snow Shoveler’s Wife,

I am so sorry that Snow Miser is causing this stress in your life.

It’s been a long time since I’ve regularly woken up next to someone, but I do remember that there was a certain amount of reassurance in it.

Doc Brown, my good friend and this blog’s most generous benefactor, has the solution to your problem…

Time Travel.

We all know it exists, and Doc has mastered the technology, but the government has it so tightly regulated that it is not available to the general public.

If you had access to a Time Machine and the proper training in how to use it, you could simply Time Travel to Spring and wake up daily in your husband’s arms.

I advise you to demand Time Travel Technology.

Call your congressman, send emails to Capitol Hill, protest in the front of The White House.  Our government has the technology to make our lives much easier, but they apparently don’t trust us to use it properly.

If they are keeping Time Travel from us, can you even imagine what else they have locked away from the tax paying public?

Doc Brown would love to help you, but his hands are tied by government red tape.  We need to force the government to give us what Doc Brown would love to share.

The other option would be to hire someone to plow your driveway so your husband can sleep in.  I’ll leave the final decision on this up to you.

Good luck!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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3 Responses to I Advise You To Demand Time Travel Technology

  1. markbialczak says:

    Or buy a snow blower. … Nah, Time Traveling to spring would be more satisfying, Austin. You’re right.

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