Maine Hospitals Prepare For Baby Boom In Nine Months

babiesMaine Hospital Administrators held an emergency meeting today, Modern Philosophers, to plot out how to deal with the baby boom expected in nine months.

“This past weekend was the perfect storm, so to speak, for baby making,” Dr. Sofia Sandhu, head of Pediatrics at Western Maine Medical Center, told this Modern Philosopher.   “It was Valentine’s Day, 50 Shades of Grey was released, and the impending threat of Winter Storm Neptune made Mainers cancel their plans and stay home.”

As we all know, Modern Philosophers, there isn’t much to do in Maine to begin with, but the options are even more limited on a frigid, blizzard impacted weekend.

Add to that the fact that romance was in the air, and well, you know what happens.

“We have to assume that most Mainers in relationships spent the Valentine’s weekend together, keeping warm with body heat and other cardiovascular activities usually associated with, but not always limited to, the bedroom,” Dr. Sandhu continued.

In other words, if the entire state is a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’.

Cupid“My aim didn’t have to be that good in Maine this weekend,” Cupid told me via Skype as he unwound from a very busy Valentine’s Day.  “People were coupling up, going to see that pervy 50 Shades flick, and then planning on riding out the storm by, for lack of a better term, riding each other.”

Hospital Administrators, knowing exactly what was going on in Maine over the long, cold weekend, decided to be proactive and prepare now for a very busy November.

“Luckily, the worst of it should be done well before Thanksgiving,” Dr. Jessica Charity of Witches’ Bay General Hospital told me with some hope in her voice.  “Right now, it looks like a majority of the births are expected between Halloween and Veterans Day.”

From what I’ve been told, Maine’s hospitals should be able to handle the expected baby boom.  The Nurses’ Union has been involved in the planning, and many of the hospitals have told their Human Resources Departments to hire some locums for the busy period.

“All should be well,” Dr. Sandhu assured me.  “Unless, of course, we get a blizzard on St. Patrick’s Day.  Then we could be in for some major problems…”

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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14 Responses to Maine Hospitals Prepare For Baby Boom In Nine Months

  1. floridaborne says:

    You have a point. The hospitals are going to be quite crowded in November. I pity the child born on Halloween. What if you don’t like ghoul cakes and giving away candy to other people. 🙂

  2. jan says:

    Witches’ Bay Hospital – seriously?

  3. ksbeth says:

    oooh lots of little goblins coming your way )

  4. Glazed says:

    To add to your perfect storm, I’ll bet all the pharmacies were closed during the blizzard–so no morning after pills available.

  5. markbialczak says:

    Cue the dim-light music … Yeah, diaper needs expand in nine months around your way, Austin.

  6. Pamela Edwards says:

    Blizzard & ” 50 Shades of Grey ” inspires to procreate . You are definitely on to something here Austin . Now how many of those babies will be named Christian or Anastasia do you think ?

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