I Advise You To Not Give In To March Madness

BlutoDear Modern Philosopher,

It’s finally March!  Can you believe we survived Winter and made it to the month when Spring begins?

It’s been quite the long haul, I’ve done a lot of shoveling, put on tons of layers, and have taken my Post Traumatic Snow Disorder medications on a regular schedule.

Now I am ready to put the shovel, ice chipper, and roof rake into deep storage, and get out my lawn mower, gardening tools, and barbecue.

My question to you is: What do you think should be the theme to my Welcome Spring Barbecue?  I know for sure that I want to burn Snow Miser in effigy, but what about an overall theme?

I need to start planning now because Spring will be here before we know it.

By the way, I would be honored if you would attend my shindig!

Just call me…

Springing Ahead

cold tempsDear Springing Ahead of Yourself,

You need to put on the brakes and consider that maybe your Post Traumatic Snow Disorder is messing with your head.

Sure, the calendar might say that it’s March, but there is no way we are out of the snow ravaged woods yet.

Haven’t you ever heard the saying about March: “In like a lion, out like The Silence of the Lambs???”  It was -13 degrees when I woke up this morning.  There’s snow in the forecast tonight.  If you put away your Winter equipment now, you are going to be screwed.

I advise you to not give in to March Madness!

I know it’s so tempting to believe that just because Spring begins later this month that Winter is going to simply fade away quietly.

There is no way Snow Miser is going to give up the spotlight that easily.  He wants to bring on a New Ice Age so that he might rule over us with a frozen fist for all eternity.

Bury your thoughts and feelings about Spring.  If Snow Miser can sense them, they will be your downfall.  Continue on like a Winter Warrior, ready to take on the season until the bitterly cold end.

If you let down your guard too soon, you’ll be buried under an icy avalanche of disappointment.

Hang in there, though, and definitely let me know when the barbecue is once Spring has actually sprung.

Stay warm!


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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15 Responses to I Advise You To Not Give In To March Madness

  1. markbialczak says:

    Yeah, Austin, agreed. Spring is only on TV where we live for at least another month or more!

  2. April says:

    Sending warm thoughts your way 🙂

  3. JED says:

    So I was born at the end of March in Maine quite a few years ago. Does that explain any of my issues? This March Madness stuff sounds like it could be dangerous!

    Great advice by the way. Snow miser is far from done I’m sure. He still has time to create havoc.

    • Austin says:

      I can give you Dr. Jekyll’s contact info. He’d be the better one to ask about your issues… 🙂

      • JED says:

        I really don’t want to know. The more you know about them the easier it is to let them take over.

        Chompski was up your way this week by the way visiting with his zombie brothren. Should have a post up about it in a bit. He decided he wasn’t the biggest fan of Snow Miser either and didn’t stay long.

      • Austin says:

        Smart for a Zombie. 🙂

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