Is Snow Miser The Machines’ Greatest Weapon?

Juno HouseAs I was leading a survivalist class in the secure basement bunker of The House on the Hill today, a Deep Thought formed that very well might have been the key to setting back The Robot Apocalypse…

Is Snow Miser a weapon of Robot High Command?

How brilliant would it be if The Machines had created a master weapon to distract, disorient, and disarm the human race over the course of several months?

At this point, after such a harsh and draining Winter, does mankind have any fight or willpower left to fight off The Machines should they launch their offensive?

So many of our resources have been depleted and diverted to the clearing of snow and sanding of roads.  Many parts of the country are still buried under the white stuff, and a city like Boston, renowned for its revolutionary spirit, has been crushed by Snow Miser’s nonstop aerial assault.

Has Robot High Command given us its version of Shock and Awe?  Have they unleashed Snow Miser to bombard us with snow, ice, and frigid temperatures until our spirits were buried under an avalanche of frustration and a desire to do nothing more than to curl up on the couch in the dark and watch TV as we sipped hot cocoa?

robot scaryIs Snow Miser far more powerful than we realized?  Is he a cyborg programmed to lead humanity to the brink of collapse so that our Robot Masters can sweep in to enslave us without a fight?

This Winter has pummeled us with an unprecedented amount of snow.  How was Snow Miser able to generate so much of the white stuff over such a sustained period?

He’s never done it before, so why the sudden prolific storm totals?  How is Snow Miser producing all this snow?

It’s because he’s one of The Machines, if not the ultimate Machine!

How did I not see this sooner?  Why did I have to be squirreled away in my basement bunker teaching advanced survival skills to fellow freedom fighters to have this earth rattling epiphany?

Has the snow made me soft?  Has Winter worn me down to a point where I’ve dropped my guard?  Is my Post Traumatic Snow Disorder even real, or is it merely a program planted in my brain by The Machines?

Snow MiserSnow Miser has not always been a weapon of Robot High Command.  I know that for a fact.  We went to college together.

Sure, he was an egotistical prick at NYU, thinking he was better than the rest of us because Mother Nature was his mommy, but he was not a cyborg.

The Machines must have built their version of Snow Miser and then released him on an unsuspecting world.  When did this happen?  How could they have swapped out the Evil Ice Imp without our knowing?

Could it have been two Winters ago?  Do you remember when Snow Miser was shot?   It looked like he was dead, but then he miraculously returned as good as new.

Did Snow Miser actually die?  Were The Machines behind the assassination?  Did they pin it on Heat Miser to throw us off the scent?  Was the Cyborg Snow Miser then slipped into our reality right before our very eyes?

That can be the only explanation for all this, Modern Philosophers!  Now more than ever, Snow Miser is a great threat and enemy of the people.

Robot 2Spread the word.  Snow Miser is The Machines’ Master Weapon.

He must be destroyed before he brings about The Robot Apocalypse!

Remain forever watchful, my friends.  Snap out of your Winter doldrums.  The Machines are coming to enslave us, and Snow Miser is leading the charge.

Stay safe!  Don’t give up the fight!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Is Snow Miser The Machines’ Greatest Weapon?

  1. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    Beware the march of the Snow Miser. Now excuse me I have cocoa to drink.

  2. I am really starting to worry about you and I seriously think the cabin fever is on hyper drive.

  3. Reblogged this on barclaydave and commented:
    Brrrrrrilliant piece of writing, as always.

  4. “Marty! Grab the garbage! We must stop the Cyborg Snow Miser!”

  5. jerryofcali says:

    I’m to visit the Northeast next week…I’ll do some poking around for you while you’re in your bunker and report back.

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