I Advise You To Use Every Weapon In Your Arsenal

Dear Modern Philosopher,

I’m 15 and I really like your blog.  It makes me laugh when you take a weird and awkward situation and turn it into something funny.

I really like the way you’ve been so open about your problems with dating and missing The Girl Who Moved Away.

As a 15 year old boy, I’ve got lots of problems with dating, too.  I’m horrible at talking to girls, and my parents are very understanding and maybe a little too supportive if that makes any sense.

Do you get how embarrassing it is to constantly have your parents give you pep talks on asking a girl on a date?

Apparently, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  My Dad is forever sharing stories of how horrible he was with girls, how he could never get a date, and how he wishes he just had a secret weapon to help him.

As a result, my parents “blessed” me with what they consider to be a secret weapon to help me during my awkward teenage years.  They call it a blessing, but I kinda see it as a curse.

They named me Irish.

Seriously.

Ironically, I have no Irish blood flowing through my veins, but that’s not the problem.  They said they named me Irish for two reasons: so I could always think I had the Luck of the Irish on my side, and so that on St. Patrick’s Day, I could break the ice with a pretty girl by walking up to her and saying “Kiss me, I’m Irish”.

My Dad swears that if he had an opening line like that, he would’ve had his first kiss long before he was 19.

I don’t want to wait until I’m 19 to kiss a girl, and I know my parents mean well, but at the same time, I’m mortified to use such a lame pick up line.

Please give me some advice here as St. Patrick’s Day is quickly approaching.

More Confused Than Your Average Teen

Dear Confused,

While I understand the stress you must be going through, I do think it’s oddly sweet that your parents named you Irish because they thought it would give you confidence with the opposite sex.

If you think about it, that’s some pretty awesome forward thinking on their part.

Dating is hard.  Putting yourself out there, taking a chance, and opening yourself up to mockery and rejection are some of the toughest things anyone, let alone a teenager, ever has to do.

It really is all about confidence, Irish.  Think about what’s the worst that can happen and then compare that the best case scenario.  Doesn’t the potential of a date with a young lady who makes your heart beat a little faster make it worth the possible rejection?

That first kiss isn’t going to magically plant itself on your lips, my friend.  You’re going to have to put yourself out there and take a risk.

I advise you to use every weapon in your arsenal.

I’m not saying to always lead with the “Miss me I’m Irish” line, but if it is St. Patrick’s Day, be open minded and keep that bullet in the chamber.

Consider variations on the line your Dad wants you to use.  If you see a charming Irish lass wearing a Kiss Me I’m Irish button on St. Paddy’s Day, start a conversation by saying, “You’re name is Irish, too?  That’s so cool.  I wonder what else we have in common.”

If that doesn’t break the ice, then she is not worth your time.

Your parents meant well.  You could have parents who won’t let you date and force you to focus on school instead of on girls.  They sound cool, in their nerdy parental way, so cut them come slack.

Good luck, Irish.  Be confident and that first kiss will happen.

Austin