Snow Miser Shopping For Summer Home In Maine

House on the Hill‘Twas the day before Spring, And all throughout Maine, People were whispering, “Snow Miser’s a pain”…

That whispering is about to turn into outright shrieking once this story breaks, Modern Philosophers.

A highly trustworthy source tells me that Snow Miser has spent the past two days shopping for a Summer home in Maine.

“Snow Miser is highly motivated to purchase as Summer property in Maine,” Kortnie Renee, Maine’s top Real Estate Agent to the Otherworldly Being Population, told this Modern Philosopher solemnly at a clandestine meeting at The House on the Hill.

While Kortnie would be a fool to turn down such a commission, and doesn’t want to get a reputation for discriminating against any Otherworldly Being, she is a native Mainer and understands how horrible the Winters have been since Snow Miser started his personal vendetta against me.

“If Snow Miser lived in Maine all year, I would imagine that the real estate market would go into a deep freeze, and no one would really benefit,” Kortnie lamented as she sipped her Snapple and unburdened her soul.  “That’s why I had to come to you with this.”

Snow MiserKortnie confided that she hoped The All Hallows Society would hear about Snow Miser’s plan to turn Maine into his permanent residence, and that Maine’s all powerful secret society would then ban the Ice Imp from our state.

“He’s looked at homes all over the state, and most of them have enormous asking prices,” she shared.  “Snow Miser has made it clear that money is no object, but he’s suddenly showed a serious interest in any home available in your neighborhood, Austin.”

I nearly dropped my Snapple at that point, Modern Philosophers.  Snow Miser as a neighbor?  That is so not going to happen.

Spring is supposed to begin tomorrow.  I’ve checked with The Calendar Commission, and was assured that the season change was happening regardless of where Snow Miser chooses to reside.

However, they couldn’t guarantee that the Freaky Frostman’s presence would not affect Maine’s weather patterns.

Kortnie promised she would do everything in her power to keep Snow Miser from closing on a property, while I used my connections to contact The All Hallows Society for help.

“I don’t want Otherworldly Beings to think I’m betraying them in any way,” Kortnie pressed upon me as she finished her Snapple.  “I wouldn’t be where I am today without the sudden boom in Maine’s Haunted House market.  The fact that Ghosts came to me, and asked me to be their Realtor, totally helped me make my name.”

I reminded Kortnie that no one, human or Otherworldly Being, liked Snow Miser.  She is a true hero to all Mainers for tipping me off about this.

SpringLet’s just hope it’s not too late, Modern Philosophers.  I fully expect to welcome Spring with open arms tomorrow, and there’s no way in Hell I’m ever going to welcome Snow Miser to my neighborhood!

Come home, Spring.  We’ve missed you!

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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18 Responses to Snow Miser Shopping For Summer Home In Maine

  1. amommasview says:

    Haha… That is great! I hope Spring will finally make it and that you will have an amazing summer!

  2. garym6059 says:

    If the snow miser moves up there can we just start calling Maine part of Canada? Just kidding, I’ve been to Maine once and absolutely loved it and would love to go back again. Just not in the winter!

  3. Oh that Snow Miser, he’s too much! Too much…

  4. jan says:

    Sounds like there’s a new season in Maine – Springter or is it called Winspringter?

  5. JED says:

    You may need to warn the council Snow Miser making a permanent residence is not bad just for Maine but could have repercussions throughout the world and no one, human or otherwordly would enjoy that.

    I think maybe this global warning thing has him spooked and since he has been so successful up your way this winter he figures why leave. He just needs a little nudge, some extra confidence that he still can have his way away from Maine.

  6. Blunderdad says:

    We have similar concerns here in Michigan where it is rumored that the Cavity Creeps have been condo shopping.

  7. revenent2014 says:

    I’m in the mid coast region and I think he moved in next door. We still have about 20″ on the ground

  8. Pingback: Jump Start Your Brain: The First Snow Of Spring | The Return of the Modern Philosopher

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