I Reject This As Spring Weather!

Nite Show DannyHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

The calendars say it’s the first Sunday of Spring, but I reject that notion given that the winds are so powerful they are threatening to blow The House on the Hill to Oz.

Since it is Sunday, that means a new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night.

Even though I had an enormous number of my jokes make it onto the air in Danny’s monologue, there are still some Rejects to share.

Please give a warm Modern Philosopher welcome to The Sunday Rejects…

A poll conducted on St. Patrick’s Day reveals that 77% of those surveyed believed in the Luck of the Irish.  The other 23% of the respondents simply weren’t drunk enough yet to answer in the affirmative…

St. Patrick’s Day was on Tuesday.  The Bangor Police Department is begging residents to come down to the station and finally claim the party revelers who are still sleeping it off in the drunk tank…

St. Patrick’s Day was earlier this week, and we did something sweet in my house to celebrate.  Every time my wife yelled at me to help more with the baby, she affectionately referred to me as Danny Boy…

Nite Show AustinHarrison Ford recently crash landed a small plane on a golf course in California.  Witnesses said they were extremely impressed because so few people ever make it onto the green on that hole in one shot…

Harrison Ford recently crash landed his plane on a golf course in California.  When reporters asked the actor if he thought he was a good pilot, Ford replied: “I used to be, but that was a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…”

April is around the corner, but we had more snow this week.  You know that saying about March in Maine: “In like a lion, out like the Silence of the Lambs…”

The Bangor Daily News has finally settled into its new offices downtown.  The move took much longer than expected because there’s only so much furniture those paperboys can move on their bikes in one trip…

Yesterday was the first day of Spring.  Today, Maine’s first bluebird of Spring said “Screw this!” and flew right back to Florida…

Nite Show BasketballOn this date in history in 1980, Dallas aired its famous “Who Shot JR?” episode.  On this same date in 2015, former NBC News anchor Brian Williams claimed responsibility for the shooting…

Last week, Disney announced it was making a sequel to its blockbuster animated film Frozen.  The working title is Frozen 2: Just Another Day in Maine…

What did you think of my Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of them make you laugh?  Did Danny leave any sure laughs off the cue cards?

Remember, if you live in Maine, The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights.  The next taping is on April 8, and I would love to see you there!

You can also support the show by liking its Facebook page, checking out clips on its You Tube page (you can watch my TV acting debut in the Timbo the Intern sketch!), and by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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20 Responses to I Reject This As Spring Weather!

  1. I like the St Patrick’s day joke about the poll that was carried out and 23% still being too drunk to participate! Very funny.

  2. grannyK says:

    Oh my gosh, I loved them all!

  3. Joseph Nebus says:

    I think the Daily News joke is the strongest of these.

  4. jan says:

    He should have definitely kept “in a galaxy far..” “silence of the lambs” and “Frozen 2” – the others are good too but those three gave me a big chuckle!

  5. JED says:

    Loved the Harrison Ford pilot joke. Others were all pretty good so I imagine the ones he used must have been stellar.

    • Austin says:

      He used a Harrison Ford joke someone else wrote, and I thought it was pretty lame. Oh well, he used nine of my jokes, so I can’t be upset. 🙂

  6. markbialczak says:

    These are the rejects? St. Patrick’s Day week run-up treated your brain right, Austin.

    My favorite was the Bangor Daily News joke. Go figure, huh? The foul-mouthed bluebird was No. 2 for me. Ha! Good job, sir.

  7. floridaborne says:

    LOL at the Harrison Ford jokes. Those were great! The bluebird flying to Florida was funny. Those were my 3 favorites.

    Thanks for sharing.

  8. adamjasonp says:

    Liked the bluebird St. Patricks’s Day jokes. “Screw this!”

  9. Harrison Ford crash landing – every joke made me smile! 🙂

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