Put Your Palms Together For The Sunday Rejects!

Nite Show SetHappy Palm Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

One of my proudest moments as a writer for The Nite Show With Danny Cashman was when Danny used my Palm Sunday joke in his monologue last year.  The rebellious Catholic school boy in me just had to write this:  Tomorrow is Palm Sunday, which is the day Jesus invented the high five!

I’m sure The Nuns were not happy with me, but high fives all around anyway!

A new episode of The Nite Show aired last night, so today I’d like to share some of my jokes that didn’t make it into Danny’s monologue.  Put your palms together and give a huge Modern Philosopher welcome to the Sunday Rejects…

It’s Maple Syrup Season in Maine, or as Mrs. Butterworth refers to it: that time of the month…

Nite Show CaitlinIt’s Maple Syrup Season, which is the only time of year you can walk up to a tree, say “I’d tap that!”, and not get arrested for being a pervert…

More casinos are scheduled to be built in the Northeast.  Apparently, mobsters were running out of foundations in which to bury the guys that they’d whacked…

Alex Rodriguez is back in a Yankees uniform after a one year suspension for steroids use.  Experts say A-Rod’s return could be a real shot in the arm, or the ass, for New York’s struggling offense…

Monday is National Doctor’s Day, so make sure to stop by a golf course and thank a doctor for his or her hard work…

April Fools’ Day is on Wednesday, which as you know, is the day Mainers celebrate the political career of Governor Paul LePage…

April Fools’ Day is on Wednesday, so make sure to give your Governor a hug…

Tomorrow is Palm Sunday, the one day psychics will read your palm for half price…

Stache Pag, Maine’s mustache pageant, was held last night at Port City Music Hall.  Organizers still aren’t sure if they are excited or freaked out by the fact that female entrants outnumbered male entrants for the first time…

Nite Show Audience QThe Freeport Bridal Show is tomorrow.  Mention The Nite Show, and get 20% off the bride of your choice…

The Walking Dead’s Season Finale airs tomorrow night on AMC.  I’ve always wondered by more politicians didn’t survive the Zombie Apocalypse.  Seeing as how most of them don’t have any brains, you’d think they’d be relatively safe…

One this date in history in 1972, Wilt Chamberlain played his last pro basketball game.  He decided to retire having run out of female fans he hadn’t slept with…

The Midcoast Model Festival is this weekend, featuring cars, trains, and boats.  Essentially if you think of a model as anything other than a gorgeous person in a fashion catalog, this is the show for you…

So what did you think of the Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of them tickle your funny bone?  Thanks for giving them a chance at the spotlight.

nite logoThe Nite Show airs in Maine on Saturday nights.  You can support the show by liking its Facebook page, checking out clips on its YouTube page, or following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

The next taping is on April 8 at The Gracie Theatre.  Hope to see you there!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Put Your Palms Together For The Sunday Rejects!

  1. D. Parker says:

    I was still laughing at the I’d tap that maple syrup joke…loved The Walking Dead…oh hell, loved them all…thanks for the laugh. 🙂

  2. floridaborne says:

    I liked the one about Doctor’s Day. 🙂
    I have to admit, the Maple Syrup jokes slid by me. It’s probably a regional thing, sort of like Floridians laughing at northerners for parking under coconut trees.

  3. ksbeth says:

    loved the a-rod joke the best )

  4. The second syrup joke. So bad, but so funny.

  5. markbialczak says:

    Tap the maple tree with your finger, Austin, check on the wood? … That was my favorite reject this time around. You are still on a good roll.

  6. adamjasonp says:

    Only managed to catch the last few minutes, as I was busy again…videogaming. I remembered before 10 p.m., and then zoned out. Half an hour, again?

    Liked most of these jokes. Got a real chuckle with the Maple Syrup ones. But do we have to be reminded that LePage is governor?

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