Pick A Reject, Win A Smile!

Nite Show logo 2Happy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

I’m writing this post from the front porch of The House on the Hill!  Can you believe it?  The sun is shining, the clouds have run out of snow, and it’s actually warm enough for me to sit out here without worrying about losing any of my toes to frostbite!

Since it’s Sunday, a new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night.  That means that I can share some of my monologue jokes that didn’t make it onto the air.

Are you ready for the Sunday Rejects?

Did everyone have a good Easter?  Now that they’re done hiding Easter Eggs, Mainers can turn to one of their other favorite Spring activities: hiding all the empty candy wrappers…

Saturday was Passover, Sunday was Easter, but Monday might’ve been the holiest day of all: 75% Off All Holiday Candy Day at local stores.  And we wonder why Mainers are so overweight…

A Nite Show 3 BlondeThe University of Kentucky Wildcats saw their undefeated season come to an end in the Final Four of the NCAA Basketball Tournament.  I’m no basketball expert, but even I know that if you’re going to lose only one game all year, you really need to get that out of the way before the Tournament…

Speaking of the Tournament, how did you guys do with your March Madness picks?  I’m so unlucky that my brackets were busted the second I wrote my name at the top of the page…

SAD 45, home of the Washburn Beavers, is establishing a Sports Hall of Fame.  So someday, grandparents will be able to take their grandchildren and tell them things like, “I used to play with that Beaver” and “That’s the greatest Beaver I’ve ever seen!”…

We had even more snow last week.  In fact, Maine is now so white that people are calling it a Republican behind its back…

A Nite Show DogIt snowed again last week.  It’s gotten so bad that snow has replaced drug dealers from New York as Maine’s largest import…

Can you believe we had even more snow this week?  It’s snowed so much this year that the state has officially changed its motto to: “The following schools and businesses will be closed today…”

Indiana has passed a new law that would allow businesses to discriminate on the grounds of religious beliefs.  I guess they call Indiana the Hoosier State as in “Hoosier lawyer?  I’m gonna sue you!”…

There were record low temperatures reported in several Maine towns on Monday.  I haven’t felt this kind of chill since I told my wife I thought her best friend was attractive…

On a 2009 voter application, Jeb Bush identified himself as Hispanic.  Bush laughed off the gaffe and told reporters, “At least I didn’t say I was Herspanic!”…

A Nite Show JoeCongratulations to Duke on winning the NCAA Basketball Tournament.  Now that it’s over, the student athletes can return to campus and focus on what’s really important: picking an agent before the upcoming NBA Draft…

So what did you think of the Sunday Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of them make you smile?

The Nite Show airs on Saturday night in Maine, and the next taping is on April 29.  I would love to see you there!

If you can’t make it to a taping, you can still support the show by liking its Facebook page, watching clips on its YouTube Channel, or following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

52 Responses to Pick A Reject, Win A Smile!

  1. grannyK says:

    The snow ones are my favorite this week!

  2. Getting an agent before the NBA draft. At least it’ll take their focus off the student loan debt.

  3. adamjasonp says:

    I liked the state motto, Hoosier and NBA Draft jokes.

  4. floridaborne says:

    I like the one about record lows. I don’t know much about basketball and Maine, so that’s like trying to get a joke spoken in another language. 🙂

  5. ksbeth says:

    i love the leftover discounted easter candy celebration. i’ve celebrated that once or twice in my time –

  6. jan says:

    I like the Maine state motto, the Hoosier lawyer, and Maine is being called Republican behind its back the best but they’re all good!

  7. markbialczak says:

    Picking an agent before the NBA draft. That’s the winning reject this week, Austin. Too true. Kentucky, seven leaving.

  8. Beavers are the greatest creatures ever. Long live the beaver! Does her best friend know of your opinion?

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