I was raised by The Nuns to be a proper gentleman. I open the door for a lady, I help the elderly cross the street, and I treat others with respect.
That might make me seem old fashioned, but it also makes me a decent human being.
My recent return to the dating world, however, has made me realize that not everyone was raised as I was. Believe me, I have no intention of turning this blog into a collection of bad date stories because that would most likely make me come across as a total idiot.
Every once in a while, though, I’m going to share a tale of dating woe. Dr. Jekyll says the best way to handle failure is to talk about it.
Since I’m not the “pick up a woman at a bar” type or a “go up to a total stranger on the street and simply charm her” type, I’ve asked my friends and coworkers to set me up with friends, family members, and reclusive neighbors.
From a purely logical standpoint, a dating website should work in my favor. A lot of it involves writing. A creative profile catches their attention, and then a witty email entices them to write back. Once an email conversation gets going, I am definitely playing to my strength. Words are my friends, I’m very good at paying attention to what the other person writes, and I know how to get a laugh.
If I can get someone to write back, I’m usually very good at keeping them interested.
My first issue is with women who ignore that first email. It’s a dating website, ladies. You signed up because you want men to contact you and strike up a conversation. Is it really that difficult to write back? Even if it’s just to say you’re not interested?
It’s not like I’m sending: “Yo! You’re hot! I want to sleep with you.” I take the time to craft a well-written, properly punctuated email that touches on the things our profiles say we have in common. Would it kill you to hit the reply button and tap out two sentences?
Yes, Modern Philosophers, I always reply when someone new reaches out to me on the dating website. I get how difficult it is to try to break the ice with a total stranger, and I know how annoying it is to be ignored.
Common courtesy. Just like The Nuns taught me.
Two weeks ago, my date took the ice cube out of her drink and methodically wiped down the table top with it while she continued our conversation.
Last month, my date said she had read my blog. She then asked: “You don’t really believe there’s a Leprechaun and Gargoyle at your house talking back to you, right?” I have to give her credit. If she feared such things, it was very brave of her to meet me for a date.
Even in those cases, there wasn’t a total blow off. We talked afterwards and mutually agreed that another date would be detrimental to our sanity.
I get that sometimes it’s hard to tell someone you’re not interested, but that’s part of the dating process. You don’t leave the other person hanging. It’s simple human decency.
This leads to my last date. The one that I thought actually went well. The first date I’ve really enjoyed since The Girl Who Moved Away left me alone and single.
I learned my lesson from previous expensive first date failures, and asked her to meet for a drink. If we didn’t hit it off, it’s simple to not get a second round and call it a night.
I earned bonus points for being a Gilmore Girls fan. I told the Dr. Dre story, which I only pull out when things are going well.
When my date looked at her watch for the first time, we discovered that we had been there for two and a half hours! The time just flew by, there weren’t any awkward silences, and I was smitten and hanging on her every word. She appeared to be the same way.
So when I asked if we could go out again and she replied, “I don’t know”, I was stunned.
For the past two weeks, I’ve heard nothing from her aside from a couple of quick texts.
I flat out asked in a text, and then a few days later in an email, if she was interested in a second date, and got nothing in reply.
I’m definitely confused as to why she wouldn’t want to go out again after we seemed to hit it off, but I’m really pissed at her lack of common courtesy. She can’t call or text or email that she’s not interested? That lack of respect for the poor hopeless romantic, who’s just hoping for an answer, is what really kills me.
Clearly, the cold shoulder is a pet peeve and really messes with my self confidence.
Am I wrong to expect some kind of answer from her? Am I just supposed to “get the hint” and go away? How is that mature adult behavior?
This really sucks, and I can’t wait for it to be over.
That’s what she said…