Your reward for surviving this week is a very special edition of the Friday Night Think Tank, with “surviving” being the key term.
I was watching Survivor last night (I recorded it as I hate to watch TV live and have to deal with the commercials), and it got the Deep Thoughts flowing about my favorite reality TV show’s connection to this blog.
As most of you know, the now infamous Survivor: Maine post is the highest viewed in this blog’s history, and has gone viral on the internet on multiple occasions.
I feel like Jeff Probst and I have a special connection ever since he retweeted the post, and commented on the prospect of Survivor ever shooting in Maine. As a result, I wanted to pitch him a great new version of Survivor that we will debut here tonight.
While this edition of the show does not take place in Maine, it does involve Time Travel. In order to make it work, we are going to need Doc’s help, and I hope Jeff will reward him by making him his co-host.
Are you ready for this week’s journey to the Think Tank? Cue the Survivor theme music…
This week’s topic: Congratulations! You are the first contestant on Survivor: Time Travel. Are you ready to outwit, outplay, and outlast various versions of yourself from across the Space/Time Continuum? Your opponents on the remote tropical island are: You on Prom Night, You on the First Day of College, You at 21, You at Your First Post-College Job, You on the Best Day of Your Professional Life, You on the Lowest Day of Your Personal Life, You on the Day You First Kissed Your True Love, You on Your Wedding Day, You at 30, You at 40, You at 50, and You at 65. What is your strategy? Who do you see as your toughest opponent? Who do you want as allies? Who would you want to get rid of right off the bat? Could Present Day You win?
It was a fun challenge just to come up with the list of competitors. Take a minute to size up the rest of the tribe, and then form some Deep Thoughts on strategy.
The first thing that popped into my head is that I would have a definite advantage over the versions of me who are from a time before Survivor was on the air. Those Austins will not have any clue as to the strategy that goes into winning on Survivor, so I would look to take advantage of that, manipulate them, and use their naivete against them.
I’m also aware that younger versions of me were extremely shy and not at all outgoing, so I wouldn’t see them as threats in the social aspect of the game. I don’t see the 21 and younger versions of me being any threat in the physical challenges, either.
I would definitely want to avoid me on the lowest day of my personal life, because that guy was a wreck, he was pathetic, and he would be very likely to lash out at the others. So I wouldn’t want to be blacklisted by association by the rest of the tribe.
I’d also be wary of me on my Wedding Day. While that Austin was confident, happy, and madly in love, he was also a naive idiot, who believed he was about to exchange vows with the woman who would love him forever. Someone who would make such a strategic error is not going to win Survivor, so I don’t want an alliance with him.
I’d definitely want to buddy up to 50 year old and 65 year old me because they know what the future holds. They’d have insight that I would need to defeat earlier versions of me.
I’d be most afraid of me on the day I first kissed my True Love and me on the best day of my professional life. Those Austins would be confident, cocky, and feeling invincible. Even though they are about a decade apart in age, they were both in excellent physical condition, and I know how formidable I can be when I am confident.
My strategy would be to act as a leader to the younger versions of me, using Jedi mind tricks, a knowledge of the game, and years of experience at being me to bend them to my will and earn their loyalty.
I would treat the older versions of me as equals, trying to convince them that we are best buddies, and that if we form an alliance, we can get rid of the younger, cockier, more athletic versions of me.
I’d let the more intimidating versions of me see me as a wise adviser, a joker, and a storyteller. I’d prove myself to be a hard worker, someone who can be counted on around the camp, and not a serious threat in the immunity challenges.
Slowly, I’d pick off the real threats, letting the other versions of me think that they were the ones making the decisions and setting the strategy.
At that point, Jeff Probst would have no choice but to insist that the next season of Survivor be set in Maine.
What’s your Survivor: Time Travel strategy?