A Total Eclipse Of The Rejects

Nite Show North Woods LawHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

I’ve been so busy writing new monologue jokes for this week’s taping of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman, that I almost forgot the Sunday Rejects post!

The whole point of the post is to ensure that the unused jokes aren’t forgotten, so that would’ve been a real blunder on my part.

A new episode of The Nite Show aired last evening, so now I can share some of my monologue jokes that didn’t end up on TV.  Can you find it in your hearts to show the Sunday Rejects a little love?

The Age of Adeline, starring Blake Lively and Harrison Ford, opened in theaters last night.  Lively plays a woman who never ages, while Ford plays a man who seems to put his life in danger every time he steps out of his trailer…  

May Day is on Friday.  Send help!

Ben Folds performed at the State Theater on Thursday night.  Not to be confused with Ben Fluff and Folds, who performs at the State Street Laundromat every weekend…

The Shrine Circus is at the Augusta Civic Center this weekend, making it the one time of year that the members of the State Legislature aren’t the only clowns in Augusta…

Austin sketchThe Shrine Circus is at the Augusta Civic Center this weekend so for once, “the big top” might not necessarily be a reference to the shirt Governor LePage is wearing…

Bangor Comic Con is this weekend.  Nerds will emerge from their parents’ basements to attend, and if one sees a bully’s shadow, it means six more weeks of wedgies…

Bangor Comic Con is this weekend, so don’t be surprised if you see people wandering around Downtown Bangor dressed as their favorite standup comics…

April is Jazz Appreciation Month, so if you see Karl Malone or John Stockton, show them a little love…

April is National Grilled Cheese Month, so every time you take a selfie this month, remember to say “Grilled Cheese!”

Arbor Day was yesterday.  Trees across the state celebrated by chasing lumberjacks around with chainsaws…

Nite Show ChamberlainArbor Day was yesterday.  I celebrated by being a real sap and telling people to leave me alone…

Did any of the Sunday Rejects make you laugh, Modern Philosophers?

The next taping of The Nite Show is this Wednesday.  I’d love to see you there, so let me know if you plan to attend.

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  You can support the show by liking its Facebook page, checking out clips on its YouTube channel, or by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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26 Responses to A Total Eclipse Of The Rejects

  1. Austin, I really loved the nerds emerging from the basement paragraph. The who thing was very funny! :O)

  2. grannyK says:

    I like the Shrine Circus ones!

  3. jan says:

    Ben Folds and the nerds seeing the bully’s shadow. Loved them all but those were my favs! Thanks for sharing.

  4. floridaborne says:

    Loved the clown/politician joke. I liked the arbor day joke. Love the mental movie of trees chasing loggers.

    A fun assortment of merriment there, Austin. Enjoyed it! 🙂

  5. Anita Stout says:

    All but 3 made me laugh OUT LOUD. LOVED May day joke, 6 more weeks of wedgies, and the politician joke especially. I’m odd but May Day really cracked me up! If these are the rejects, the audience must still be laughing at what made it in.

  6. markbialczak says:

    Say Grilled Cheese! I like that one, Austin.

  7. adamjasonp says:

    The standup comic one was a real kicker. (That word just came to mind.) The circus/political jokes were up my alley, and… “Send help!”—that should’ve been on the show, it fits!

  8. Lively/Ford cracked me up

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