May The Rejects Be With You!

Nite Show BrianHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

Tomorrow is May the 4th, so that makes this Star Wars Day Eve.  Get your geek on and make sure you hug a Jedi today.

A new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, and you don’t even need to use the Jedi Mind Trick to know what that means…

It’s time to share the Sunday Rejects.  Here are some of the jokes that didn’t make it into Danny’s monologue last night.  I feel that The Force is strong in them, and I’m eager to give them a new hope (see what I did there, Star Wars fans?) by publishing them here.

Brace yourself for The Return of the Rejects!

A second trailer has been released for the new Star Wars movie, and fans are totally geeking out over the appearance of Han Solo and Chewbacca.  Of course, no one’s more excited than the studio’s insurance company, which was thrilled that Harrison Ford was able to film the scene without injuring himself again…

Nite Show FUSIONThe Shrine Circus returns to Bangor this week.  It might possibly be the only circus in the world where people picket outside to protest the inhumane treatment of the audience…

The Shrine Circus is in Bangor this week, which means that Governor LePage finally gets a week off from being the Ringmaster of the lamest show in Maine…

The Kenduskeag Streams Canoe Race was finally held last week, after being delayed for a week due to icy conditions.  The winner was John Williams of Old Town, who rode an ice floe to the fastest time in the history of the event…

Have you guys been following the Brian Williams story?  The latest report is that his return to The NBC Nightly News is highly unlikely.  My guess is that he’ll write his memoir, since publishers are always looking for the next great work of fiction…

Fuller House will be the name of the new Full House reboot on Netflix.  That means that Governors Paul LePage and Chris Christie will have to come up with a new name for their sitcom, which is about two obese politicians who live together in a tiny house after their terms in office end…

Nite Show logo 3The 2015 White House Correspondents’ Dinner, hosted by SNL’s Cecily Strong, was held last weekend.  Strong was very good, but no one will ever unseat Sarah Palin as the woman who brought the most laughter to The White House…

Governor LePage has introduced a new bill that will void the Attorney General’s power over new rules, while also requiring that all new bills are sent to the Governor wrapped around a Big Mac for his reading pleasure…

A Wal-Mart employee in Bangor found $4400 in cash in the parking lot, and returned it to its owner.  Clearly, the person who lost the money was not a customer because no one with $4400 would ever need to shop at Wal-Mart…

A Wal-Mart employee in Bangor found $4400 in the parking lot, and returned it to its owner.  That must’ve been very difficult for him to do since $4400 is just over a year’s pay for the average Wal-Mart employee…

Nite Show JoeLast Saturday was a drug take back day across the state.  Hundreds of confused Mainers showed up at police stations looking to reclaim their confiscated drugs from the evidence lockers…

The Patriots recently visited The White House to celebrate their Super Bowl victory.  Apparently, Secret Service Agents had to remove Vice President Joe Biden from the event because he kept asking the players if their balls were properly inflated…

Demi Moore’s Manhattan penthouse is for sale.  She’s asking for $75M or the most indecent proposal…

What did you think of this batch of Sunday Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of them make you want to let out a Wookie roar of laughter?  Did they pull you back from the Dark Side and fill your day with joy and happiness?

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  If you can’t watch it, you can like its Facebook page, check out clips on its YouTube page, of follow the show on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to May The Rejects Be With You!

  1. floridaborne says:

    I liked all of them. ;D

  2. grannyK says:

    The drug take back day one is my favorite!

  3. jan says:

    All are great but the Sarah Palin one caused me to let out the Wookie roar! Happy Star Wars day!

  4. “The next great work of fiction” by Brian Williams. Austin, your too much. In fact Brian should use that as a title. Whoopee, and royalties for you! :O)

  5. markbialczak says:

    My favorite was the WalMart money find No. 1, Austin. Nope, not from a WalMart shopper.

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