Feeling guilty about my midday snack, I scrambled to shove the bowl under the couch right before The Devil appeared in the entry way.
He held an enormous container of popcorn.
“I just went to the movies,” he announced as he sauntered into the living room in his $2,000 suit, with his hair perfectly slicked back, and his Italian loafers barely making a sound against the hardwood floor.
“Why did you go without me?” I asked defiantly as Lucifer sat down next to me and passed me the popcorn.
I couldn’t believe that the bucket was almost empty. How did he eat like he did and remain in such amazing shape?
“Because unlike you, Austin, I prefer to go to the cinema on my own,” Satan quipped as he grabbed one of my napkins off the table and wiped the butter from his fingers. “It’s much easier to conduct business that way should an opportunity present itself.”
I just rolled my eyes. “Do you ever just leave work behind and relax?”
“Sure,” he quickly replied. “When I’m here with you.”
“So what did you see?” I asked as I picked at the popcorn that remained in what appeared to be a ten gallon bucket.
“The new Avengers film,” The Devil answered and reached for the newspaper.
“That’s it?” I pressed. “You don’t tell a screenwriter and admitted movie geek that you went to see any movie and then don’t provide any details. What did you think?”
Lucifer shrugged. “Less Than Zero remains my favorite flick with Robert Downey, Jr. and James Spader, but this was pretty good. The special effects were awesome, but the story left me wanting.”
First off, he earned major brownie points for the nod to Less Than Zero. It’s one of my favorite books of all the time, and the movie was damn good.
Secondly, knocking the story? Love it! Tell me more.
“What was wrong with the story?” the jealous screenwriter in me needed to know.
“I know screenwriting is difficult, but do they really expect us to believe that The Avengers are so bad ass that they can defeat all foes?” The Prince of Darkness scoffed. “Maybe the writers should try coming up with a real challenge for them.”
“I had no idea you were such a superhero geek,” I told him as I took a quick sip of my Snapple. “Who would you suggest the screenwriters throw up against The Avengers in the next sequel? I don’t know the comic books well enough to have any idea of the options.”
Satan chuckled and grabbed a Snapple from the cooler. “I think they should have the mighty Avengers face off against me and see what happens.”
The Devil winked and took a long, confident pull on his Snapple.
I laughed. “Are you serious? Do you really think that you could defeat The Avengers?”
“Why are you laughing?” my guest asked as his face frosted over into an evil scowl. “I’m the $%^&*# Prince of Darkness, dude. I was a Guardian Angel just like your pretty girlfriend, so I’ve got all her kick ass skills, plus the nasty stuff that comes with giving yourself over to the Dark Side. That’s right, I just went all Sith on you.”
Lucifer sprang up from the couch, made his pitchfork materialize out of nowhere, and wielded it as if he were a Sith Lord possessed by the spirit of Bruce Lee.
“I’d like to see Captain America and Iron Man try to deal with this avenging fallen Angel,” he shouted. “The Hulk does not want to see what happens when I take on my true form and then Satan smashes!”
He continued with his display of disturbing maneuvers of death, so I reached under the couch for my bowl. As I watched The Devil fight off imaginary Avengers, I ate my ice cream and thanked God I hadn’t had to sit through that lengthy movie with him.