How To Properly Use The Jedi Mind Trick On A Date

Jedi 3Star Wars Day is the perfect time to share some dating tips that involve the use of the Jedi Mind Trick, Modern Philosophers.

I have been training and researching this topic for months, and then went on several dates to test my methods.

Tonight, I will share my findings with you.

These tips will work for both men and women, so everyone pay attention!

First off, you must dress the part.  If you want any chance of this working, you must commit to the part.

Remember, Modern Philosophers, most dates are looking for a commitment.  If you show up in the classic Jedi robes, you are not only making a very slick fashion statement, but you are also showing your companion for the evening that you are serious about dating and doing everything you can to make a lasting impression.

You don’t necessarily have to commit to the Jedi facial hair (I’d really advise the ladies to not take it to that level), but up here in Maine, women dig a good beard.

Test the waters to see how open your date is to suggestion.  Before you even consider using your Jedi powers on your date, just see how open she is to suggestion. (NOTE: As in all my dating posts, since I am a man who dates women, I refer to the date with female pronouns for simplicity.  No sexism here.)

Perhaps you can plan the date and decide where you will go and what date and time you will meet.  If your date goes along with all your suggestions, you might have a pushover on your hands, and the Jedi Mind Trick will not be needed.

However, if she disagrees, or better yet, decides to take over the planning of the date, that means you are going to need to use The Force.

Jedi Master Yoda in a scene from Star Wars Episode III Revenge of the SithDo not get nervous and go Full Yoda. This is a rookie mistake, Modern Philosophers, and I will admit I made it myself the first time I tried to use the Jedi Mind Trick on a date.

It’s just so tempting to channel Yoda.  Maybe it’s nerves, or the fact that Yoda is so wise, or that he’s totally adorable and you just assume your date would love a little Yoda over appetizers.  But do not go there!

“Some wine to order we shall?”  Comes across as super creepy, and will also confuse the hell out of your date.  Remember, she’s still adjusting to the sight of you in your bad ass Jedi robe, so going Full Yoda on her is only going to make her head spin.

Fight the urge.  It’s your only hope…

Remember that The Force is stronger in some more than others.  If you are a Jedi like your father was before you, take that into consideration when dealing with your date.  You don’t want to scramble her brains, so probe her mind with caution.

By the same token, don’t assume that your date is not also blessed with The Force.  Never underestimate the person sitting across from you.

Which leads us into…

Jedi mind trickSearch for disturbances in The Force.  Trust your instincts.  Before you get too far into your date, ask yourself if this is the person you are looking for.

Also, do you sense danger?  Is this a trap?  Will the night end with you frozen in carbonite?  Don’t be so focused on getting what you want out of the situation that you forget to make sure you are safe.

As I’ve pointed out in a previous dating tips post, there is a very good chance that your date is planning to kill you.  You might want to check under the table for a blaster…

Use your powers wisely.  A true Jedi knows to use his powers wisely.  Do not bust out the Jedi Mind Trick to convince your date to order the appetizer you want, or to drink more than she normally would so you can get her drunk.

Under no circumstances are you to use the Jedi Mind Trick to get your date to “handle your lightsaber” or put on the Princess Leia gold bikini.

If you were to do those things, you would be traveling down a troubling path, which brings me to my next point…

Jedi Dark SideDo not turn to the Dark Side!  I know there are times when the world of dating will bring your anger and frustration bubbling to the surface, but fight those feelings, Modern Philosophers!

Sure, after some horrible dates and a string of lonely months without someone holding your hand or telling you that she loves you, it will be very tempting to give in to the Dark Side to find love.

But the love that you find via the Dark Side will not be true love.  It might feel incredible and leave you thinking that the galaxy is your yours to rule forever, but Sith Lords do not know true love.  They know only death and destruction.

No matter how bad the dates get, do not give in to the Dark Side.  It will consume you, it will ruin you, and it will leave you a shell of your former self.

Trust your feelings.  If you think you have something special going with your date, search your feelings and see where they take you.  The Force is a lot like love, Modern Philosophers.  If you use it wisely, there might be no need for the Jedi Mind Trick.

After all, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone whose heart you “won” by trickery, or with someone you properly wooed?

I’m telling you, that Jedi robe is going to open some doors, Modern Philosophers.  Trust your feelings and when the time is right, you will find that someone special.

LeiaJust make sure it’s not your long lost sibling…

I hope these tips come in handy.  I know dating can seem like a losing battle at times, but if the Rebel Alliance can topple the mighty Empire, then anything is possible.

May the Force be with you!

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Humor, Love, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to How To Properly Use The Jedi Mind Trick On A Date

  1. Christie says:

    This is all very good information Austin. But, as I am already married I am wondering if there is a way to apply this to a spouse, or perhaps kids, say to get them to do the dishes, or take out the garbage?

    Also, the dry cleaner completely ruined my Jedi Robe. I think I may have an old Monk costume in the basement from a few Halloweens ago, or perhaps my bath robe? Do you think either of those would work?

    April was an expensive month for me, so I’m a little short on cash. But, if need be I can break into my mad money and spring for a new Jedi Robe.

  2. I will be upfront and say that if I were in Vegas and some man pulled a Yoda, we’d be going to the Chapel, whether he likes it or not.

    Yeah, different strokes for different folks.

  3. AthenaC says:

    Why did I not meet a guy like you when I was single? I mean, I love my husband and everything, but he “doesn’t do” Jedi robes. Such a disappointment.

  4. Oh. I am SOOOO most definitely stealing this idea.

  5. Austin, after reading your post, and always having wanted to become a Jedi Knight, I decided to give this idea of yours a try. But after putting on the robe and heading to the front door, I was promptly intercepted by my wife, who told me—in no uncertain terms—to take the robe off, and to go sit down in front of my television. I fear my dreams of being a Jedi Knight, as you suggested, may be over for me. :O(

  6. Hee hee! Will use this guide if I ever crawl out of my fortress.LOL

  7. triSARAHtops says:

    This is the best!
    Also, I agree 100% about it being best to avoid channeling Yoda … I did that once thinking it would be charming and ended up having my date excuse himself to go to the bathroom and just not come back. It was awkward :p

  8. I haven’t dated in twenty-eight years. Thank GOODNESS! I don’t think I could begin to keep Yoda and light sabers and Jedi’s straight. That said, the ole gold bikini has come in handy when I need to talk the hubs into something 😉

  9. Loved this! Thanks for a wise but entertaining read!

  10. Pingback: Friday Finds: Week 32 | Avid Reader

  11. Shari Eberts says:

    I love this! We are obsessed with Jedi mind tricks in my house so this was a great read!

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