I Reject Your Improperly Inflated Balls

Nite Show logo 3Happy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

A new episode of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, so now I want to share some of my monologue jokes that didn’t make it onto the air.

As a bonus, I am going to share one of my jokes that Danny did use, since it was a time travel one.  You know how I like to pepper Danny with time travel jokes…

Van Halen and Motley Crue will both be performing in Bangor this year.  Tickets range from $25 for general admission to $25,000 for a trip in a time machine to travel back and see both bands in their prime…

Nothing beats a good time travel joke, am I right?  Let’s show that same enthusiasm for my Sunday Rejects.  I’m also going to bump up the Deflategate joke I wrote for the High School Special to this batch since it’s more topical, and allowed me to use that witty title for the post.

Modern Philosophers, I give you the Sunday Rejects!

Nite Show Pre-ShowThe NFL has suspended Patriots quarterback Tom Brady four games for his alleged role in the Deflategate scandal.  That’s the harshest football related penalty for a Brady since Peter was grounded two weeks for busting Marcia’s nose with an errant pass…

I’m sorry if my voice is a little hoarse, but the Rise Above Fest was today, and I spent the entire day screaming in noise complaints to the Bangor Police Department…

Brit Floyd, a tribute band billed as The Word’s Greatest Pink Floyd Show, performed in Portland last night.  I’m sure the band is great, but the truth of the matter is that most of the Pink Floyd fans in attendance were so stoned that Floyd Mayweather could’ve performed and they wouldn’t have even known the difference…

CBS aired a 90 minute tribute to David Letterman last week hosted by Ray Romano.  It proved once and for all that everybody loves David…

Death Cab For Cutie performed earlier tonight in Portland.  As a result, taxi drivers in the Portland area have been unable to pick up an attractive fare all evening…

Nite Show DannySeveral college commencements are scheduled for this weekend.  I have two words of advice for the graduates as they leave the safety of college and head out into the real world: Grad School…

American Idol’s Season Finale airs on Wednesday.  Tune in to see who is crowned the next artist to go on to wildly disappoint and not live up to expectations…

Hawaii Five-O aired its Season Finale last night.  I really wish I could get one of the show’s stars on as a guest simply so Joe will stop yelling at me to “Book ’em, Danno!”

Sarah Michelle Gellar has changed her Twitter handle from RealSMG to SarahMGellar. Apparently, she was tired of getting so many tweets asking about how much MSG was in an order of Chinese food…

Chowderfest on the Pier was held at Old Orchard Beach today.  Organizers were caught off guard when dozens of adult movie stars and their fans turned up for the event.  Apparently, there is a whole series of Chowder Fest films out there that have absolutely nothing to do with soups…

Nite Show TicketsThis is Maine Coast Marathon weekend.  The half marathon was today, and the marathon is tomorrow.  Anyone who completes both races will be flown home to Kenya, free of charge, by race organizers.

The Maine Coast Marathon is tomorrow.  Marathon aficionados believe this is a white person’s best chance of winning a marathon in the continental United States this year…

What did you think, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of the Sunday Rejects make you laugh?  Was your funny bone tickled by the bonus time travel joke?

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  If you can’t watch the show because you refuse to move to Maine, you can still support it by liking its Facebook page, checking out videos on its YouTube Channel, or by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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21 Responses to I Reject Your Improperly Inflated Balls

  1. JED says:

    Best blog title ever! The jokes are pretty good too. Really liked The Brady-Marcia one, the time travel used joke and the Death Cab.

  2. Josh Wrenn says:

    Those were all great jokes! They usually are, but a couple had me literally laughing out loud. It is so cool you guys have a local-ish comedy/talk program. The first time I lived in Seattle we still had Almost Live (where Bill Nye, and Joel McHale got their starts). It was already winding down by that point, but the reruns of the 90’s episodes were run all of the time and still pop up on late night schedules from time to time. If I’m ever up in Maine, I would definitely have to attend a taping. Good stuff.

  3. I really enjoyed that post, nice to have a good chuckle on a Sunday evening. I saw Aussie Pink Floyd in Dublin about ten years ago and they were so good, if you closed your eyes you would almost think they were the real thing – almost.

  4. jan says:

    Haha! All are a hoot but the Floyd Mayweather joke gets my vote!

  5. markbialczak says:

    I must be having a thick head day. I don’t even get the Chowder joke, Austin. My favorite reject is Marcia Marcia Marcia Brady Brady Brady Deflategate. Keep picking on the Pats. 🙂

  6. Everybody loves David LOL!!!

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