After surrendering, the first thing the man did was declare that he came up with the famous “I Want To Buy The World A Coke” campaign that has recently been all over the news and social media because of its inclusion in the Series Finale of Mad Men.
“There’s a very good reason people thought Don Draper was me, and that’s because he was based on me,” the suspect allegedly told FBI Agents.
According to the man who the world has come to know as D. B. Cooper, he has always enjoyed hanging out in airport bars, buying strangers a drink, and then chatting them up. At first, he did this as a cover while he cased the airports and plotted his infamous skyjacking. In later years, however, he did it simply for the rush.
“Since I’m sober, I always buy a Coke for the stranger. That McCann Erickson guy loved the idea, and was taking detailed notes as I explained how I’d buy Cokes for total strangers from all over the world that I’d meet in airport bars. I told him no one ever refused the Coke, even though they didn’t know me, and we’d have a great time talking. He turned that idea into the famous commercial.”
A spokesperson for McCann Erickson, the advertising agency that created the Coke campaign, and Don Draper’s place of employment when he supposedly came up with the idea on Mad Men, vehemently denied the suspect’s claim.
“You had to wonder why Don Draper looks so much like the sketches of me, am I right?” Cooper asked. “Why was he a man with an alias? Why was the name of the company Sterling Cooper? Why did the series end with Don creating that particular campaign?”
He made some excellent points, so I asked him to explain.
“I bought Matt Weiner a Coke in an airport bar three years before Mad Men premiered,” he boasted with a proud smile on his ancient face. “I poured my heart out, told him who I really was, told him about the Coke campaign, and said it was time for someone to tell my story. I promised that if he did right by me and didn’t turn me in, I’d surrender when the showed ended and wouldn’t sue him for using my life story.”
Matt Weiner could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson for AMC laughed off the claims. “There is absolutely no truth to that story, nor is there any definitive proof that the man in custody is D. B. Cooper. We are glad that Mad Men has inspired its fans to attempt to be as creative as the show, but we must implore them to work a little harder to be more original.”
For its part, the FBI believes it has the right man in custody. “The suspect not only knew details of the crime that were never released to the public,” FBI Agent Joanna Hammond assured this Modern Philosopher, “but he also surrendered $2,600 that was a part of the ransom. The serial numbers have checked out.”
Of course, I saved the most intriguing piece of evidence for last, Modern Philosophers. Upon his arrest, the man formally known to the world as D. B. Cooper gave his real name to the FBI…
Any fan of Mad Man would know the significance of that name.
Coincidence, Modern Philosophers, or is it The Real Thing?
Whitman is being held without bail. Yes, he did ask for a Coke while being questioned…