High School And Rejection Go Hand In Hand

Nite Show CrewHappy Sunday, Modern Philosophers!

Last night, the special High School Edition of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired.  Now it’s time for some of my jokes that didn’t make it into Danny’s monologue to go to the head of the class.

From what I recall, high school and rejection pretty much went hand in had.  Even though no one wanted to ask these Sunday Rejects to dance, maybe you can take them out for a spin on the dance floor?

As you know, no one puts the Sunday Rejects in the corner!  Enjoy…

It’s prom season, and what no one ever tells you is that going to your prom is a great way to prepare for college.  You see, the financial hole you dig yourself paying for your dress or tux, the limo, the flowers, etc gives you a little preview of what it’s going to be like to deal with years of financial aid debt…

I am so envious of today’s high school students because of all the advances that have been made since I went to high school.  What I’m most impressed with, though, is the size of your lockers.  They’re so huge now, and I’m something of an expert on lockers since I spent a great deal of my high school days locked inside of mine…

Nite Show NickThank you for joining us for this special High School Edition of The Nite Show.  You’ve all heard of The Breakfast Club, right?  Well, this is more like the Midnight Snack Club.  You must’ve done something very wrong to be sentenced to a half hour with me…

When I was in high school, the only way to take a selfie was by sticking your face on the photocopier.  And that was a huge risk because you never knew whose butt cheeks had just been on it..

When I was in high school, texting was when one of the jocks slammed you across the back of the head with his text book…

When I was in high school, we would’ve thought Instagram was just another one of those weird metric units of measurement…

When I was in high school, everyone couldn’t wait to see the new Star Wars movie and Clinton was running for President.  I guess times really don’t change…

According to a recent article, the average cost of going to the prom is just under $1,000.  That’s twice as much as my prom date’s father offered me not to take her…

Nite Show AThis is the part of the show we call the monologue.  Since I’m hip to all the high school lingo, I want you to feel free to LOL, ROFL, LMAO, and SMWISRO.  That last one stands for “Stop me when I sound really old”…

In my high school yearbook, I was voted Most Likely To Have Peaked In Junior High…

I’m so old that when I was a high school freshman, my alma mater Old Town High School was just known as Town High School…

My greatest regret about high school was wearing tighty whities.  Your daily wedgie from the cheerleaders hurts a hell of a lot less when you wear boxers…

Right now, I have an incredible sense of deja vu.  Once again, I’m standing in front of a room filled with high school students and they are all laughing at me…

When I went to my high school reunion, the one thing I heard over and over again from my former classmates was: “High school wasn’t the greatest time of my life, but at least I wasn’t Danny Cashman”…

Nite Show ChoirBeing at a taping of The Nite Show is a lot like attending public high school: it’s free, it never seems to end, and you’ve got to put up with that one annoying nerd who just won’t shut up…

What did you think of the Sunday Rejects, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of them make you laugh, or feel nostalgic for the good old days of high school?

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  If you can’t watch the show, you can always support it by liking its Facebook page, checking out clips on its YouTube Channel, or by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to High School And Rejection Go Hand In Hand

  1. Joseph Nebus says:

    Of this set I like the high school yearbook voting the best. It’s got a little extra punch added to the self-deprecating premise.

  2. Josh Wrenn says:

    “When I was in high school, texting was when one of the jocks slammed you across the back of the head with his text book…” that one was really great.

  3. barbtaub says:

    I can’t believe they rejected “When I was in high school, everyone couldn’t wait to see the new Star Wars movie and Clinton was running for President. I guess times really don’t change…” I thought it was brilliant.

  4. grannyK says:

    Wow, you must have been on a roll! That is a lot of jokes! They are all great!

  5. floridaborne says:

    Pretty good! Reminds me of why I was so very, very happy to leave high school.

  6. markbialczak says:

    You were on fire, Austin. I can’t believe these were the rejects! This must have been the funniest show of the season. Way to go, old guy.

  7. Some of your best yet! 😉

  8. ksbeth says:

    this was a great bunch of funny, austin )

  9. Anita Stout says:

    The whole post was a great monologue!. Maybe it’s time for your own show!

  10. Ha – my favs are the Star Wars/Cllinton joke and the deja vu/laughing at me joke.

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