Camels To Sue Makers Of Backbreaking Straw

CamelCamels across the world have filed a class action lawsuit against the manufacturers of straw known to break their backs.

Fittingly filed on Hump Day, the suit claims that the makers of the straw “knowingly and with malicious intent continue to produce a product that is harmful to camels”.

The world’s two largest camel rights organizations, The Last Straw and Hump This!, were the driving forces behind the lawsuit, and believe there will soon come a day when the straw makers will face a great reckoning.

“They know what they’ve done,” a Hump This! spokescamel told this Modern Philosopher.  “There is straw that doesn’t harm a camel’s back, and then there’s the straw that breaks a camel’s back.  There’s no need to have both kinds unless you hate camels and get your jollies crippling them.”

camels picketingCamels gathered outside of the courthouse in Bangor today to celebrate the lawsuit.  Many were singing, while others offered rides to local children.

“The camels are awesome!  I hope they win their law thing!”, Jimmy, age 8, of Orono told this Modern Philosopher.

I asked Cy Brown, this blog’s Legal Adviser, for his Deep Thoughts on the camels’ case.

“They have an excellent case,” Cy assured me.  “I’ve looked over the documentation, and while I’m no expert on straw, it appears that the straw makers knew the backbreaking straw was harmful to camels, but continued to produce it regardless.  The straw was cheaper and quicker to make, so it was much more profitable for them.”

PETA is also very interested in getting involved in the lawsuit.  According to sources close to the group, Big Straw has been on their radar for some time.

“This might be the case that finally breaks Big Straw’s back,” my source informed me.

strawStraw makers refused to comment for this article.  I did, however, send the blog interns to several Maine farms to see what kind of straw was being used there.

The interns returned, covered in straw, and reported that not only did none of the farms use backbreaking straw, but the straw they had was also really quite comfortable.

The camels at the courthouse were delighted with that news.  “We filed this suit in Maine was because the state is very supportive of Otherworldly Beings and open to the more unique ideas life has to offer,” a camel named Beatrice informed me.  “We feel even better about that decision now that we know Maine farmers refuse to use the straw that breaks our backs!”

justiceBeing a camel isn’t easy,  so if you see a camel today, rather than bust his hump about it being Hump Day, why not buy him a drink to thank him for what he does?

For more information on the lawsuit, visit  TheLastStraw.org/lawsuit.

I caution you to not try to visit a website for Hump This!  You will discover many options, none of which are related to this lawsuit or to camels…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to Camels To Sue Makers Of Backbreaking Straw

  1. cvnadagroup2017 says:

    ow it’s amazing view

  2. grannyK says:

    Man, you can create an amazing story about anything!

  3. JED says:

    Hump this! should start a band. What an awesome name!

  4. OMG I think I just peed a little.

  5. donedreaming says:

    That was hilarious! I laughed so much I’ve just spit kale juice all over the dog …

  6. donedreaming says:

    Reblogged this on Done Dreaming and commented:
    For those of you who don’t follow Awesome Austin – you don’t know what you’ve been missing! He puts a smile on my face most days so here is a classic from today.

  7. soad88 says:

    You wrote an article on camels and didn’t think to even ask an Arabs opinion? Hmm…. Some how I feel insulted in a way……..New Englanders……Maine huh so that’s where they ran off to, they told me they had a “family thing” thank god they don’t have a union. Soon they’ll want maternity leave.. Camels lol

  8. Reblogged this on Wendy Anne Darling and commented:
    I must admit that I do have serious concerns for the camels who take part in this lawsuit; their good names could easily get dragged through the sand by Big Straw’s legal team, who could quite possibly counter that any camel who uses recreational straw on a regular basis knows that its continued use can lead to complacency about the cumulative dangers and leave the loaded camels to an altered state where the introduction of the lethal ‘last straw’ variety is virtually inevitable.

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