We Reject King George’s Tyranny

Nite Show Beach 6Happy Fifth of July, Modern Philosophers!

A special lakeside edition of The Nite Show With Danny Cashman aired last night, and it’s time for me to share some of my jokes that didn’t make it onto the air on Independence Day.

I’d like to thank Nite Show photographer Jennifer Murphy for providing the amazing photos used in this post.  For some odd reason, her professional shots always end up coming out so much better than the ones taken with my phone.

Be forewarned that the photos contain loud Hawaiian shirts.  Shield your eyes whenever necessary.  Without further ado, let’s launch the Fourth of July Sunday Rejects…

Today is the Fourth of July, which as you know, is the holiday that celebrates the invention of fireworks.

Happy Fourth of July, the holiday recently voted “Easiest To Remember Which Date It Falls On”…

Nite Show Beach 5Because we won the Revolutionary War, the United States became an independent nation, free from rule by England’s Royal Family.  We still have a Royal Baby, though.  He is just better known to Mainers as Governor Paul LePage…

Because we gained our independence from England, this country has not been ruled over by a monarch in almost 250 years.  Of course, that could all change in 2016 if Hilary Clinton is elected President and crowns herself Queen…

It’s Summer Movie Season.  Jurassic World earned over $200M at the domestic box office in its opening weekend, proving that Presidential candidates aren’t the only dinosaurs that can keep us entertained…

Jurassic World earned over half a billion dollars worldwide in its opening weekend.  With that, dinosaurs have moved past Zombies, and now trail only Jesus as the most popular beings to ever rise from the dead…

Stephen King’s Under the Dome is back on CBS’ summer schedule.  Governor LePage has already gone on record as blaming the Democrats for the dome’s return…

Nite Show Beach 7Stephen King’s Under the Dome is back for the summer.  In the show’s most horrifying storyline yet, the residents of Chester’s Mill realize that Governor LePage is also trapped under the dome with them…

The new CBS series ZOO, about a series of animal attacks on humans, premiered last week.  In the Animal Kingdom, the show is airing under the name “Payback’s A Bitch!”…

Jaws, the original summer blockbuster, is going to be re-released in theaters to celebrate its 40th anniversary.  So it’s still not safe to go back into the water, but that’s really more because of the fat guys in Speedos, than it is because of the sharks…

On this date in history in 1776, a group of farmers decided to tell King George to shove it and drive on the correct side of the road…

Nite Show Beach 8Magic Mike XXL was released in theaters last week, and I must admit I am seriously disappointed.  That guy Mike has to be the worst magician I have ever seen!

So what did you think, Modern Philosophers?  Did any of my Sunday Rejects make you laugh?

The Nite Show airs on Saturday nights in Maine.  If you can’t watch it, you can still show your support by liking its Facebook page, checking out videos on its YouTube channel, or by following it on Twitter @TheNiteShowME.

Advertisements

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Humor, Philosophy, Writing and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to We Reject King George’s Tyranny

  1. D. Parker says:

    Good ones, Austin, all. 🙂

  2. “Happy Fourth of July, the holiday recently voted ‘Easiest To Remember Which Date It Falls On’…” Ha! Truth.

  3. floridaborne says:

    I liked all of them. Why they weren’t used, I’ll never know. 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s