Is A Wookie Life Partner Your Best Relationship Option?

Would you do it all for the Wookie? Maybe a Wookie life partner is your best relationship option!In honor of the San Diego Comic-Con and the release of that amazing behind the scenes Star Wars VII footage, I thought it was time for a different type of dating tips post, Modern Philosophers.

Maybe you shouldn’t be out there in the dating world searching for a potential spouse.  Perhaps you should be thinking about finding a Wookie life partner instead.

Search your feelings on this one, Modern Philosophers, while I make some pro Wookie life partner arguments.

Wookies are extremely loyal.  Chewbacca was always there for Han Solo, and never gave up on his buddy, even after he had been frozen in carbonite and shipped off to Jabba’s palace.  He didn’t flinch, either, when Han decided to join the Rebellion and take on the Empire.

If you choose to go the Wookie life partner route, you’ll never have to worry about messy breakups, prenups, or divorce lawyers.  Wookies will be there for life.

Chewy 5Wookies will always get along with your friends and family.  Sometimes when you’re in a relationship, things don’t always click between your partner and the other important people in your life.

You never want to have to choose sides in that battle because you’re always going to come out a loser.

A Wookie is never going to put you in a position where you’ll have to make such a choice.  Everyone loves a Wookie.  Even if your girlfriend is an uptight princess, she’ll eventually fall for that loveable fur ball’s charm.

A Wookie makes the perfect wingman.  If you do decide that you need “a little companionship”, your Wookie life partner not only won’t get jealous, but he will also be the best wingman you’ve ever had.

As established above, everyone loves a Wookie.  What makes a better ice breaker than walking up to someone and telling her that your Wookie just wanted to say hi?  Better yet, Wookies are so damn adorable that the ladies will just come to you.

Chewy 1Wookies will keep you safe.  Your Wookie life partner will also serve as a bodyguard.  Who the heck is going to be stupid enough to mess with you when you’ve got seven feet of ferocity forever at your side?

You’ve seen Chewbacca handle a weapon.  You’ll never be safer.

Wookies are always happy to drive.  Han trusted Chewie with the Millennium Falcon because Wookies are excellent pilots.  For someone like me who hates to drive, having a Wookie life partner would mean never having to sweat driving in the snow again.

No more fights about who’s going to drive.  If you don’t want to get behind the wheel, hand over the controls to your Wookie.

Chewy 2Wookies are great listeners.  I’m not saying that most boyfriends, girlfriends, or spouses aren’t great listeners, but it’s exactly what you’re thinking, Modern Philosophers.

Wookies don’t speak up much, so they will rarely cut you off, talk over you, or argue.

Basically, they will just listen.  Wouldn’t that make for a peaceful relationship?

Wookies won’t blow the budget on clothes.   How many relationships run into trouble when it comes to monetary issues?  Wookies aren’t going to go on shopping sprees because they simply must have the latest fashions.  And they don’t wear shoes.

Sure, they might run up a tab at the local pet groomer, but even that is cheaper than regular appointments at the hairstylist.

Chewy 7Wookies are great at fixing things.  I’m not very handy, Modern Philosophers, so it would really help to have a Wookie around to fix things when they break.

I’m also a total klutz, so things often need fixing.  With a mechanically inclined Wookie life partner, that’s no longer a problem.

Wookies know how to have fun.  Few people realize that Han Solo was something of a recluse before he teamed up with Chewbacca.  He’d just stay home working on the Falcon, or reading Imperial fan fiction.

Once Chewie came into his life, though, he became something of a scoundrel.

What do you think, Modern Philosophers?  Is a Wookie life partner the right route for you? Would you do it all for the Wookie?


About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
This entry was posted in Dating, Humor, Love and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

31 Responses to Is A Wookie Life Partner Your Best Relationship Option?

  1. AthenaC says:

    My favorite reasons –

    1. Wookies will keep you warm. I am perpetually cold at temperatures that normal human beings enjoy so I would very much appreciate a furry warm life partner.

    2. Wookies are cuddly. ‘Nuff said.

  2. Karin says:

    I think you’ve totally got something here! Wook-E-Harmony, here I come! 😉

  3. henriettamross14 says:

    Yes, as someone who is told I am a like a Wookie, I agree.

  4. I’ve heard they fart a lot though. Not sure i could deal.

  5. I’m sold. No more dating and boyfriends for me. I’m getting a Wookie. Maya will be in heaven.

  6. No thanks, I don’t think I want to deal with the hair clogging the drains.

  7. barbtaub says:

    Always loyal? You be the judge…

  8. kmunse says:

    I actually married a wookie. At least now that most of the hair on his head has fallen off and stuck to his body, he looks like a wookie……..

  9. Are there male and female wookies? Is this a concept worth exploring? Does the gender of the wookie even matter? My head hurts.

  10. I thought I posted a comment, so pardon me if this appears twice. I should not be operating heavy machinery while under the influence of Luden’s cough drops. My reply was, “I have been married for nearly 30 years to a man who has been collecting anything Darth Vader, as long as it’s in its original packaging, and hasn’t been opened, since the 1st (or was it the 4th?) movie was released. Austin, you have made a good argument that a ‘Walking Carpet’ might be preferable.”

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