Maybe you shouldn’t be out there in the dating world searching for a potential spouse. Perhaps you should be thinking about finding a Wookie life partner instead.
Search your feelings on this one, Modern Philosophers, while I make some pro Wookie life partner arguments.
Wookies are extremely loyal. Chewbacca was always there for Han Solo, and never gave up on his buddy, even after he had been frozen in carbonite and shipped off to Jabba’s palace. He didn’t flinch, either, when Han decided to join the Rebellion and take on the Empire.
If you choose to go the Wookie life partner route, you’ll never have to worry about messy breakups, prenups, or divorce lawyers. Wookies will be there for life.
You never want to have to choose sides in that battle because you’re always going to come out a loser.
A Wookie is never going to put you in a position where you’ll have to make such a choice. Everyone loves a Wookie. Even if your girlfriend is an uptight princess, she’ll eventually fall for that loveable fur ball’s charm.
A Wookie makes the perfect wingman. If you do decide that you need “a little companionship”, your Wookie life partner not only won’t get jealous, but he will also be the best wingman you’ve ever had.
As established above, everyone loves a Wookie. What makes a better ice breaker than walking up to someone and telling her that your Wookie just wanted to say hi? Better yet, Wookies are so damn adorable that the ladies will just come to you.
Wookies will keep you safe. Your Wookie life partner will also serve as a bodyguard. Who the heck is going to be stupid enough to mess with you when you’ve got seven feet of ferocity forever at your side?
You’ve seen Chewbacca handle a weapon. You’ll never be safer.
Wookies are always happy to drive. Han trusted Chewie with the Millennium Falcon because Wookies are excellent pilots. For someone like me who hates to drive, having a Wookie life partner would mean never having to sweat driving in the snow again.
No more fights about who’s going to drive. If you don’t want to get behind the wheel, hand over the controls to your Wookie.
Wookies don’t speak up much, so they will rarely cut you off, talk over you, or argue.
Basically, they will just listen. Wouldn’t that make for a peaceful relationship?
Wookies won’t blow the budget on clothes. How many relationships run into trouble when it comes to monetary issues? Wookies aren’t going to go on shopping sprees because they simply must have the latest fashions. And they don’t wear shoes.
Sure, they might run up a tab at the local pet groomer, but even that is cheaper than regular appointments at the hairstylist.
I’m also a total klutz, so things often need fixing. With a mechanically inclined Wookie life partner, that’s no longer a problem.
Wookies know how to have fun. Few people realize that Han Solo was something of a recluse before he teamed up with Chewbacca. He’d just stay home working on the Falcon, or reading Imperial fan fiction.
Once Chewie came into his life, though, he became something of a scoundrel.
What do you think, Modern Philosophers? Is a Wookie life partner the right route for you? Would you do it all for the Wookie?