Panicked French Citizens Cower From Bastille Day Fireworks

Happy Bastille Day! Don’t run and hide. Get out there and join the fun!

The Return of the Modern Philosopher

Fireworks illuminate the night sky aboveAbsolute panic broke out all over France tonight, Modern Philosophers, as French citizens ran for cover from what they believed to be an aerial bombardment.

Streets quickly emptied.  Buildings were shuttered.  All of France seemingly rushed underground at the same moment.

“The Germans just won the World Cup.  Again they think they are unstoppable.  Please save us!  Save France!” screamed a highly decorated French soldier as he fought his way down the street in search of cover.

The gutters were littered with abandoned berets and baguettes.  It got so bad that even the mimes were screaming.

“You are American, yes?” asked one attractive woman who stopped running and grabbed my Tricolor toga, which I had specially made to celebrate Bastille Day.

I confirmed that I was American, and she began to weep.  “The Americans are here!” she yelled at the top of her lungs.  “The Americans have come to save…

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About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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