According to documents filed today with the Calendar Commission, Monday has officially petitioned for a name change.
Not since 1541, when Wednesday changed its name from Xoxylaekviazzoday (and you thought Wednesday was hard to spell!), has there been any change to the weekly calendar.
Why the sudden desire to go by another name? Monday sat down with this Modern Philosopher for an exclusive interview to discuss his thought process. (And, yes, Monday is a male. Did you ever really have any doubt about that???)
“I’m tired of all the hate that goes along with my name,” Monday admitted with a heavy sigh. “You just say Monday and people get all pissy and angry. How do you think that makes me feel?”
Without even thinking, I replied that it probably gives him a case of the Mondays.
Why file the petition today?
“I was driving to work, and Manic Monday came on the radio,” Monday told me as his hands clenched into fists so tight that his knuckles turned white. “I nearly drove into a tree because the song made me so angry, but instead, I drove to the parking lot of a TGI Fridays and called my therapist.”
According to Monday, his therapist had been suggesting a name change for some time, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to do it. I guess all it took was that damn Bangles song to finally push him over the edge.
“Change is hard, but so is knowing that the mere mention of my name sends people into fits of rage,” Monday spoke philosophically.
I might know a little something about that. There was a time when the sound of my name could push people over the edge, or just out of my life.
“Brad,” was Monday’s reply when I asked him if he had a new name in mind. “Not Bradday, either. Just Brad. It will make people think of Brad Pitt or Bradley Cooper, and everybody loves those guys. We could be the Three Brads and hang out together, star in a movie, do charity work. I would finally be lovable!”
I wonder if I’d like the song The Bangles would write about Brad.
In the end, of course, it all comes down to the mighty Calendar Commission. This mysterious committee, responsible for setting the world’s calendars, does not take kindly to change or being told what to do.
Asking them to reprint millions of calendars just to replace Monday with Brad simply seems like the sort of thing that would not go over well.
But, hey, tomorrow is a new day (it’s still going by Tuesday from what I’ve heard…) and anything can happen.
What do you think of this whole Monday name change idea? Should the Calendar Commission allow it? What name would make Monday more lovable in your mind?