Gone Guy: A (Delirious) Runner’s Diary (Plea For Help)

Austin writingThis Throwback Thursday has tossed me around like a rag doll, Modern Philosophers.

I’m exhausted and sore, but in the good way. I’m running so much lately, that I feel like a cheap pair of stockings.

Today was my fifth morning run over the last six days, so I’m pretty much beat.  So much so, that I can’t come up with anything to write for my daily blog post.

As a result, I’m going to honor Throwback Thursday in a much narrower sense of the term by sharing the entries from my runner’s diary for the past week (with photos!!!)…

Austin SatSaturday, July 18, 2015

Dear Diary,

I love running!  I don’t understand why I don’t do it everyday.  I just ran 4 miles, and destroyed last week’s best time by 2:30!

It felt so good to be out there on the road.  I guess having that day off yesterday gave my legs some much needed rest.  Cannot wait to get back out there tomorrow.

I’m a little concerned about how much I’m sweating, but I’m sure I can drink enough water to replace all that lost bodily fluid.

Austin SunSunday, July 19, 2015

Dear Diary,

Running sucks.  Now I understand why I hate it so much.

I felt like total crap today when I hit the road.  I think I pushed myself too hard yesterday.  What’s the point anyway?  Even if I lose all this weight like I did three years ago, I’m just going to get lazy and put it all back on again.

Because running sucks.  And I hate it.

I thought I was going to stop and call 911 after the first mile because my body was in so much pain.  Why do I do this to myself?

I made it back to The House on the Hill alive.  My stopwatch must be broken because it said I beat yesterday’s time by two seconds.  Whatever…

Austin TuTuesday, July 21, 2015

Dear Diary,

I could not wait to get back out there this morning to continue my running program after yesterday’s off day.

I weighed myself after Sunday’s run, and discovered I’d lost 3.5 lbs last week.  I was so pumped!  Seeing results like that makes me realize how important running is to my overall wellness and self confidence.

I felt so good that I actually ran one more lap than planned this morning.  My body had no problems handling the extra distance, and if I didn’t have to get ready for work, I might have done another lap.

Can’t wait to run again tomorrow.

Austin WedWednesday, July 22, 2015

Dear Diary,

Well, judging from today’s photo, I am currently leading this year’s Tour de France.  Woo hoo!  I’ve always wanted to wear the yellow jersey. 🙂

Seriously, today was an okay run.  It was misting when I left The House on the Hill, and that helped keep me cool.  As if I could get any cooler, am I right?

Getting up at 5:30 to run hasn’t been so bad this week because I’ve been going to bed at 9:30.  I haven’t gone to bed that early since seventh grade, and just like in seventh grade, I’m out of shape and sleeping alone.

I guess some things never change.

Did an extra half lap today.  Thought I should try pushing myself a little if I want to keep losing weight.  It would be nice to get on the scale, look at the numbers, and feel like I hadn’t just eaten a seventh grader.

That was a strange thing to say, but funny.  My head feels weird…

Austin ThThursday, July 23, 2015

Dear Diary,

Sometimes I feel like you are my only friend.  Thank you for always listening to me and keeping my secrets.  I think the police are following me on my runs as if they suspect I am out there casing houses.  How did they find out about my plan to rob the neighborhood???

Totally joking, of course.  I should write more jokes in here, don’t you agree?  Why does this running diary only have to be about running?

I can’t believe I made it through this morning’s run.  I hate running.  That’s five days out of the last six, and twelve out of the last seventeen.  I’m exhausted.  I just want to sleep, you know?  I’m sick of getting up when it’s still dark.

There must be a pill I can take to make me drop like fifty pounds instantly, right?  Science has to be advanced enough to have come up with something like that at this point.  If it hasn’t, then I don’t think I’m going to watch Sci Fi flicks anymore.  They just distort my perception of reality.

I wonder if I could inject myself with a virus.  Nothing serious.  Just the kind that will make me puke a lot and not want to eat for a few days.  I’ve got the earned time, so I could take some sick days, let the virus work off the weight, and sleep in every day.

Gotta make a note of that somewhere…

Oh wait…I just did.  I wrote it in here.

What day is it?  My head really hurts, and I feel extremely dehydrated.  Is it possibly to die from losing too much sweat?

I think I’m going to take a nap right here on the porch.  Next to the sweat puddle.

Good night, Diary.  Please wake me when I’m skinny…

About Austin

Native New Yorker who's fled to the quiet life in Maine. I write movies, root for the Yankees, and shovel lots of snow.
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34 Responses to Gone Guy: A (Delirious) Runner’s Diary (Plea For Help)

  1. Ritu says:

    Oh if only there was a pill!!! But keep,up the running, it’s obviously working!!!

  2. Last time I was here, you were simply admiring your new trainers, now you’re running like a pro’ 😉 TEAM AUSTIN!

  3. amommasview says:

    Hehehe. The ups and downs of getting back into running. And running itself… Good on you! Stick to it and if you struggle ask the Devil if he wants to join you…

  4. Oh my gosh, I’m busting up over this. Kudos to you for keeping the momentum going. It can be challenging.

    *high five*

    Have you thought about strength training for a couple days a week in place of the running? Just curious.

  5. Mindy says:

    These are my exact thoughts while exercising!!!

  6. masgautsen says:

    Good luck with the running you seem to be doing an excellent job!

  7. Pingback: Happy Anniversersary: Obviously, Ending In A Blog Roll | zweihander plus ein

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